As any pirate could tell you: “Loneliness is like a steering wheel in my pants:”
“Arggh! It drives me nuts…”
“Right…right…sure…mmkay. I TOTALLY believe you. All by yourself in your hotel room, bored out of your mind and having nothing better to do while you recover from COVID? Sure, your story completely checks out…”
Nurse Cami–who you may recall from last time–initially didn’t seem convinced.
But I swore up and down that, despite originating in my groin region, my mystery symptoms–surely related to me having COVID, and what landed me in the Urgent Care in the first place–had nothing to do with me, um…er…’laying hands on myself.’
Yeah, I know, right? I could hardly believe it myself that a nurse would put forth such a preposterous conspiracy theory.
“You know,” Cami continued, “as a medical professional, I have a duty to report any cases of abuse that come to my attention.”
“Um, I’m pretty sure that ‘self-abuse’ doesn’t fall under that umbrella–and wait, it doesn’t even matter! I told you that most assuredly that is not what is going on here!”
“Likely story…”
“No, for reals,” I felt that I shouldn’t have to defend my own honor, but I had no choice at this point.
“Believe or not,” I intimated, “I am indeed ‘Master of My Domain.'1A legendary reference from the hit NBC sitcom, Seinfeld: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUtJBqgwNgo If you really must know, I have chosen to follow a higher path, one involving, let’s say, ‘meditative practices,’ if you will.”
“Oh, wow, really? Good for you. I could use some more ‘meditation’ in my life…”
“Though on a medical note,”–I hadn’t quite finished my thought–“there is sometimes the side effect of having too much pent-up energy in certain areas of the body…”
After thinking for a moment, Cami wondered aloud, “Hmm…Perhaps…could it be…epididymal hypertension?”
“Huh?!?”
I swear to the deity of your choice, I’m not making this up: Cami then looked me dead in the eye and said in almost a whisper, “So…is it possible that you just have a case of blue balls?”2I apologize, to my mother and all others, for having to include this phrase, but I’m guessing y’all were as confused by the medical name for such an affliction as I was…click here for more info, if you feel the need to actually know more. And for the record, this could have legitimately been related to my relatively recent vasectomy.
I had to chuckle at this new and very interesting theorem.
“I guess. But, c’mon! That still doesn’t explain the sensation of worms tunneling through my swollen calves!”
“No…no it does not…”
“Well, I think we’re all wrapped up here. My initial assessment is that you are most likely not in any immediate danger from blood clots–I know that was what you were most worried about. At this point, I’ll just have you wait your turn in the waiting room with the rest of the folks.”
“Oh. So I may have to wait another hour or so to see the doctor?”
“Unfortunately, yes. But let me or the front desk know immediately if you experience any sudden changes, okay?”
“Okay, sounds good.” At least I had the reassurance that I could be bumped to the front of the line if sh*t started to get really crazy.
There was a pause for a moment before Cami piped up again.
“So, before you head there, I was wondering if I could ask you a personal question?”
“Sure why not? I don’t think it’s possible to get much more personal than your last round of questions.”
“Great. So that term you mentioned when you were talking about ‘meditative practices’…I heard about that only recently and I was very curious. Would you be able to tell me a little bit more about it?”
“Would I? Would I ever!”
Self-care never gets enough attention, and I yes indeed I was going to jump at the chance to spread the gospel of some of my favorite methods for supporting one’s overall wellness…
“When I moved to Miami from Central America, that’s when I really had to decide where my life was heading…”
This conversation–with my nurse, of all people!–had really turned out to be quite the unexpected delight: complete strangers only an hour earlier, here we were, connecting on almost a spiritual level about our life journeys. It kinda reminded me of that one time that I really connected with our local bug guy…two souls appreciating each other for who they were, nothing more, nothing less. Something our society desperately needs more of, indeed.
And Cami’s personal story was indeed intriguing, and I listened with sincere ears to a tale about a life full of twists, turns, moving across oceans, enduring bouts of loneliness in strange new lands, and, ultimately, evolving as a person.
I, too, had experienced somewhat similar, almost identity-altering, changes later in life, and so truly relished hearing others share theirs. In a way, it can forge a bond between two random people–kinda like finding out that you’re both members of the FreeMasons or what-not…hmmm…maybe I better work on my analogies, but you get the idea.
“Yeah,” after thoughtfully listening, I responded, eager to strengthen this bond, “I can relate. You know for me, growing up–even into my thirties–one immutable truth about me was that I eternally hated two things: bleu cheese and olives. But now I can’t believe I enjoy both of those! As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that through opening myself to new experiences–and revisiting old ones–I can really learn a new thing or two about myself…”
“Yeah, so you ‘get it,’ my man,” Cami concurred.
“Yup. I would even say that is key to truly savoring all that the human experience has to offer…”
“Along with some form of meditation, of course.”
“Of course. I almost forgot that was the original point of my story!”
“Welp, I think I better send you on your way now.”
“Yeah, I guess you have other patients to tend to.”
“Yup, but I just wanna say that our impromptu conversation has really made my day.”
“Thanks! I agree. Connecting has been…”
I paused for a moment, trying to find words that truly did our little chat justice.
“…it’s been truly pleasurable.”
“Agreed!”
Cami smiled and patted me on the back as I got up to gather my belongings and head back to the waiting room.
“Oh wait…I had just one more question for you before you leave…”
I chuckled lightly, wondering what last surprise might be in store for me.
“Oh, that Cami!” I mused to myself, “Always has the best questions…”
Content created on: 4 November 2022 (Friday)
Footnotes & References:
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