Latest Posts
9 Min Read
They said it would be a cinch to upload your essence to the cloud.
Instead you're now cussing out the stupid machines--but shh! Not aloud...
10 Min Read
Let's be honest, man: your impromptu roadtrip went exactly as unplanned.
So don't act so surprised that it all ended up in the sh*t can...
5 Min Read
For all those times when someone has looked at you and thought, "What a frickin' idiot!"
Well, well, well, now the shoe's on the other foot...
5 Min Read
Marriage can be hard, but sometimes it's a lot harder than it has to be.
'Specially when one of ya has something that rhyme's with 'ABCD'...
10 Min Read
Me: "What'll it take to get YOU to take this car off my hands?!"
Carlos: "A boat, a plane, PoA, a fake addie, a thousand clams." Me: "Damn..."
6 Min Read
Prestigious? Accomplished? Beloved? I'm not gonna lie: you've got the wrong guy.
Wait, what's that? There's money in it? K, maybe I'll lie...
2 Min Read
It's the end of the year, and of course we gots to take a look back.
You better buckle up , Bud, 'cuz you are in for a ton of fun, Jack...
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
9 Min Read
They have origin stories! They have alter-egos! But if I got an origin story for my alter-ego?
That just might make me a super super-hero...
4 Min Read
They tried to tell you, 'don't fall asleep', and it seemed ominous at the time.
You didn't listen, but things somehow still turned out fine...
Featured Posts
4 Min Read
Are you sick and tired of prom themes that over-promise and under-deliver?
Well, have I got just the theme for you...
6 Min Read
When an unknown pervert starts lurking about, you know it's time to whip it out.
Uh, whip out your cell phone, just to be clear...
5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."
7 Min Read
You ever wonder why you fought with your dad so much when you were a teen?
Oh, if only we could ever get to the root of it...
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
7 Min Read
If you love her, you'll give her whatever she needs.
Even if that "whatever" involves 8 gallons of oil...
5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...
5 Min Read
This is Part 2 of my Pee-No-Evil adventure. It will probably make much more sense to first read Part 1, Touched By An Angel, if you haven’t already.That’s okay. I’ll just wait here…When I last left you, I had just experienced for the very first time not only an ultrasound, but also the wondrous joys […]
4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...
4 Min Read
...it quickly turned into one of those scenes from America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries where they recreate the moment that a careless parent becomes increasingly frantic trying to find the kid they lost in the park.
Random Posts
6 Min Read
Painting your mom's new pad is an honorable task.
But whatever you do, son, at least make sure it doesn't end up looking like ass...
4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...
4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...
5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...
6 Min Read
The Good Lord hath blessed you with a real angel next door
But alas, barring some miracle, she shall never be yours...
< 1 Min Read
Dear friends! I call upon you to raise high your glasses.
Hear ye now, these tales that might make you laugh off your asses...
6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...
5 Min Read
Editor’s note: The original title of this article was “Here is the Introduce of NSFM”, a direct reference to a 4-year-old’s attempt at saying “Introducing…” But, for the sake of sucking suckers in to read this story–present company excluded–it was reverted to the explicit version. As an apology for having to use an editor’s note […]
4 Min Read
You think it would be cool being suspiciously similar to that one certain guy from The Matrix.
However, even Neo can't dodge every bullet...
10 Min Read
Let's be honest, man: your impromptu roadtrip went exactly as unplanned.
So don't act so surprised that it all ended up in the sh*t can...
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