Latest Posts
6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...
6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
9 Min Read
They said it would be a cinch to upload your essence to the cloud.
Instead you're now cussing out the stupid machines--but shh! Not aloud...
10 Min Read
Let's be honest, man: your impromptu roadtrip went exactly as unplanned.
So don't act so surprised that it all ended up in the sh*t can...
5 Min Read
For all those times when someone has looked at you and thought, "What a frickin' idiot!"
Well, well, well, now the shoe's on the other foot...
5 Min Read
Marriage can be hard, but sometimes it's a lot harder than it has to be.
'Specially when one of ya has something that rhyme's with 'ABCD'...
10 Min Read
Me: "What'll it take to get YOU to take this car off my hands?!"
Carlos: "A boat, a plane, PoA, a fake addie, a thousand clams." Me: "Damn..."
6 Min Read
Prestigious? Accomplished? Beloved? I'm not gonna lie: you've got the wrong guy.
Wait, what's that? There's money in it? K, maybe I'll lie...
2 Min Read
It's the end of the year, and of course we gots to take a look back.
You better buckle up , Bud, 'cuz you are in for a ton of fun, Jack...
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
Featured Posts
3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.
4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
5 Min Read
One might argue that all the best pranks indubitably involve, well, poo.
But it's not nearly as funny when that sh*t is pulled on you...
5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...
4 Min Read
“About time…about —damn time.”That was my reaction when I read the clickbait article today confirming that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3 was REALLY, TRULY HAPPENING. Sure, we have to wait over a year before it actually comes out, but we’ve waited 28 years thus far, so who can complain?I was 8 or 9 when […]
< 1 Min Read
It's that most wonderful time of the year:
Time for a heaping serving of our creme de la creme...
10 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. For your convenience, […]
5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
Random Posts
5 Min Read
One might argue that all the best pranks indubitably involve, well, poo.
But it's not nearly as funny when that sh*t is pulled on you...
6 Min Read
Sure, your mom's insomnia may be cured. But now you're the one who can't sleep at night...
5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...
3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...
4 Min Read
Like the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants once said:
"Argh! It drives me nuts..."
7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...
5 Min Read
"Rah-rah-rah, hats off to thee! Wait one sec, let me double-check my family tree..."
3 Min Read
So you think you're a tough guy, eh? Well, I bet you're no Sylvester, though, you little punk...
4 Min Read
"Man, your brother's friend is racist. Like really racist."
Oh, Douglas, what have you done now?
10 Min Read
Let's be honest, man: your impromptu roadtrip went exactly as unplanned.
So don't act so surprised that it all ended up in the sh*t can...
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