Latest Posts
5 Min Read
Marriage can be hard, but sometimes it's a lot harder than it has to be.
'Specially when one of ya has something that rhyme's with 'ABCD'...
10 Min Read
Me: "What'll it take to get YOU to take this car off my hands?!"
Carlos: "A boat, a plane, PoA, a fake addie, a thousand clams." Me: "Damn..."
6 Min Read
Prestigious? Accomplished? Beloved? I'm not gonna lie: you've got the wrong guy.
Wait, what's that? There's money in it? K, maybe I'll lie...
2 Min Read
It's the end of the year, and of course we gots to take a look back.
You better buckle up , Bud, 'cuz you are in for a ton of fun, Jack...
8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...
9 Min Read
They have origin stories! They have alter-egos! But if I got an origin story for my alter-ego?
That just might make me a super super-hero...
4 Min Read
They tried to tell you, 'don't fall asleep', and it seemed ominous at the time.
You didn't listen, but things somehow still turned out fine...
10 Min Read
You can't help but wonder 'who do they mean?', as you stare at the creepy-ass words appearing on your screen:
"It's time for us to be seen..."
5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...
3 Min Read
Say, there buddy, do you know that feeling?
That feeling when you're still waiting for your old pal to reply to you on FaceBook Messenger...
Featured Posts
6 Min Read
Wanna hear a fantastic–but true–story?On a dreary Seattle day in May 1992, a brave dark knight hoisted himself upon a giant papier-mâché derrière and spoke truth into a flat and listless world:I like big butts and I cannot lieYou other brothers can’t denyThat when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waistAnd a round […]
6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...
8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that I’m ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many […]
6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...
5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...
6 Min Read
Sometimes, the drunken truth can be the most sobering thing of all...
4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...
6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...
6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...
5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...
Random Posts
7 Min Read
If you love her, you'll give her whatever she needs.
Even if that "whatever" involves 8 gallons of oil...
4 Min Read
I just assumed that there would be at the very least a "turn-your-head-and-cough" moment.
Just like in the glory days of high school...
3 Min Read
So you think you're a tough guy, eh? Well, I bet you're no Sylvester, though, you little punk...
5 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. Be on the […]
5 Min Read
They say all good (and easy) things must come to an end.
How exactly that goes down, though, isn't always plane to see, my friend...
4 Min Read
Most folks cruise through life without really ever having to really give fellatio much of a second thought.
But when your name is Blow Job? Well, you aren't exactly afforded the luxury of living a life blissfully ignorant of the true meaning of such hedonistic acts.
6 Min Read
Wanna get on, get off, or just get away?
Ask your doctor (or lawyer) to see if The Bus is right for you...
2 Min Read
Back in January–a much simpler time, indeed–I was hanging out with one of my friends in the neighborhood while our kids played together. He asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I told him anything but politics–I wanted to relax and that was the last thing that would help me do that. Somehow, […]
5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...
6 Min Read
You know "three strikes and you're out!", the classic baseball analogy
Yeah, I bet you never expected to hear THAT down at your local DMV...
The latest word on the street