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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











9 Min Read
In some cultures, a boy’s twelfth birthday is a very important rite of passage in his life. In Judaism this is marked with a Bar Mitzvah, in which, in the eyes of his society, he has officially become a man. Although I wasn’t brought up in the Hebrew tradition, I was still pretty excited for […]

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

9 Min Read
They have origin stories! They have alter-egos! But if I got an origin story for my alter-ego?
That just might make me a super super-hero...

6 Min Read
Long story short, when Mom asked I said "screw it" and told her the truth.
"I fully intend to spend the evening abusing my sweet tooth..."

5 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: something you may not know about me is that I’m a Caucasian male. Not to minimize the troubles I’ve had in this world–I’ve had my share of true sorrow, heartache, and hardship–but sometimes I have to take a step back and acknowledge how being a white dude has affected my life […]

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count […]

7 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: not all Valentine’s Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about it…do any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that I’ve got a Valentine’s Day tale for you. Even better, […]

5 Min Read
Who can make a boy's wildest dream come true? The Candy Man can!
And who can trash that dream? The Anti-Candy Ma'am can! Or so she thinks...

4 Min Read
Oh man, Pony Boy just rolled into town.
You best believe that some horse sh*t is about to go down...

4 Min Read
I knew that doggy yoga position alright: "Canine Arching Back Skyward In Glorious Defecation"...
Random Posts










9 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is the 3rd installment of the Prissy Pet Project. While not required reading, it may be helpful to have previously read Epitaph: A Preface to Passive Income Adventures to Come and (more importantly) Prissy Pet Project Parte Primera. Journal Date: 22 November 2019 (Friday) To bring everyone up to speed, a few […]

6 Min Read
I'm not really a "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" kind of guy.
Me? I'm more of a "No Whammy! No Bammy! No thank you, Nurse Cami!" fella...
5 Min Read
I love Venn diagram references. Not Venn diagrams themselves, just referencing them. The more asinine, the better, I say. So why am I talking about them today? Because, my very important thoughts today reside in that magical intersection between the 3 circles comprised of:–Unsung Human Achievements;–Things That Are Best Said Upfront; and –Projects That Are […]

4 Min Read
They tried to tell you, 'don't fall asleep', and it seemed ominous at the time.
You didn't listen, but things somehow still turned out fine...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

7 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: not all Valentine’s Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about it…do any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that I’ve got a Valentine’s Day tale for you. Even better, […]

6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...

2 Min Read
Growing up, my mom tended to keep the thermostat in our house set on the lower end of the tolerable spectrum. One winter, when I was about 4 or 5 years old, I couldn’t take it any more and demanded she at least buy me some warm pajamas. Despite my melodramatic pleading for her to […]

6 Min Read
The good news? I might have just made a new best friend.
The bad new? Look, amigo, I ain't got time for no buddy…

3 Min Read
Wait, it's not supposed to be a competition? Sh*t. NOW you tell me...
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