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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











5 Min Read
When you hear 'pudding', you're bound to ask "Yum! What flavor?"
This time, though, you best not ask (and you're welcome for the favor...)

7 Min Read
Donโt it always seem to goThat you donโt know what youโve gotTill itโs gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot.Joni mitchell, โBig Yellow Taxiโ (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing about [โฆ]

6 Min Read
When she said "Farmboy, fetch me the finest seats in the house," you know what he said?
"As you wish..."

5 Min Read
As I write this very topical post, we are at the front end of these uncertain times brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. No doubt, some out there probably canโt help but wonder if weโre living out the Book of Revelations in real time. I canโt say that thought hasnโt crossed my mind once or [โฆ]

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Donโt get me wrong, he was a great guyโmay he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Donโt worry, Iโll address that in [โฆ]

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...

< 1 Min Read
The Year: 1999, Summer Time. Location: Our Family Farm.
Excitement Level? "Never A Dull Moment"...

< 1 Min Read
It's that most wonderful time of the year:
Time for a heaping serving of our creme de la creme...

4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...
Random Posts











10 Min Read
Let's be honest, man: your impromptu roadtrip went exactly as unplanned.
So don't act so surprised that it all ended up in the sh*t can...

6 Min Read
By time I was done, I had that envelope covered front and back with inky, inky unsolicited information. I mean, I feel like only Ken Burns could put together something more well-documented than the work of art that I held in my hands.

7 Min Read
Editorโs note: This is the B-List of Mediocre Life Tips. If youโre looking for the A-List, you can find it here. Hello Dear Readers! I hope you found my first list of tips to be life-enhancingโor mildly thought-provoking at the very least. These โtipsโ I share often tend to be arbitrary and capricious, and are [โฆ]

2 Min Read
For reasons that will become apparent in the near future, weโve been buying raw cashews in bulk from Costco lately. I didnโt really buy them to snack upon, but Iโve found them to be a real go-to when I want a quick protein hit. After a while, I started to notice a particular scent when [โฆ]

6 Min Read
You asked the Universe for a modest amount of booty.
Butt you got a whole lot more than you bargained for...

2 Min Read
Dammit, I'm a grown-ass man. I don't need no kid telling me how to eat my fries...

5 Min Read
Bane of every teacher's existence, he casually be chillin' in the back and talks and talks.
He's the species we call the 'Chatterbox'...

3 Min Read
"And the award for 'Least Amount Of Substances Abused Over A Lifetime' goes to..." (*ahem* Drum roll, please...)

4 Min Read
To say that it was "A Vacation From Hell" might be a bit of an exaggeration.
Just barely, though...

6 Min Read
How do you know if your condition requires immediate medical attention?
When the only way to describe it is with a Kevin Bacon reference...
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