Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










5 Min Read
As I write this very topical post, we are at the front end of these uncertain times brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. No doubt, some out there probably can’t help but wonder if we’re living out the Book of Revelations in real time. I can’t say that thought hasn’t crossed my mind once or […]

5 Min Read
When you hear 'pudding', you're bound to ask "Yum! What flavor?"
This time, though, you best not ask (and you're welcome for the favor...)

4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...

6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...

6 Min Read
When she said "Farmboy, fetch me the finest seats in the house," you know what he said?
"As you wish..."

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count […]

5 Min Read
In the timeless words of Frank Costanza, "I've got a lot of problems with you people, and you're going to hear all about it!"
So, Harvey, if you're listening, this grievance is for you...

7 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: not all Valentine’s Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about it…do any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that I’ve got a Valentine’s Day tale for you. Even better, […]
5 Min Read
By and large, I was minding my own damn business, paying no real mind to my two companions, when I noticed the guy had started talking to the girl. Or at least talking at the girl. Either that, or he was talking to her sandwich. Honestly, it wasn't really clear. He was asking her how her sandwich was, but it was almost...sexual. I could sense the smarm coming off of him, but I wasn't sure if the object of his lust was the girl or the food.

6 Min Read
Sometimes, the drunken truth can be the most sobering thing of all...
Random Posts










7 Min Read
“Awww…he looks lost and hungry. Maybe you should offer him a snack?” It was back in the first weekend or so of our state’s [first] stay-at-home order, and the family and I were just relaxing on our screened-in porch1Bougie Alert! enjoying breakfast and the new, slower pace of life. The Boss Lady had seen some […]

4 Min Read
What?!? A special name just for me???
Oh, wait...that kind of 'special'...
8 Min Read
I would like to apologize up front for yet another meta-blog post about blogging and how that’s my true calling in life. I get it: you get it. But, you see, what happened was…it was a clear and calm Wednesday night (as recounted on a Thursday)… With my regular, self-imposed weekly Sunday deadline looming, I […]

8 Min Read
Trying to unload that unused surfboard? Why not try out Craigslist?
You're sure to get an offer that'll make you mutter 'Good Lord'...

3 Min Read
"A new truck?!? How f---ing sweet is that?!?"
I could feel it in my little growing bones. This was going to be one special year...

4 Min Read
I knew that doggy yoga position alright: "Canine Arching Back Skyward In Glorious Defecation"...

4 Min Read
You better sit up, brace yourself, and pour yourself a tall glass of the strongest clear alcohol you can find...

4 Min Read
What's that? You can't resist picking up the phone every time it rings?
Of course I'd be happy to show you how to not do it. Of course...

4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...

5 Min Read
Yeah, yeah, you know what you said: "I wanted to be reincarnated as a blonde!"
Well, maybe you should have been a little bit more specific...
The latest word on the street