Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...

4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...

4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...

6 Min Read
Wanna hear a fantastic–but true–story? On a dreary Seattle day in May 1992, a brave dark knight hoisted himself upon a giant papier-mâché derrière and spoke truth into a flat and listless world: I like big butts and I cannot lieYou other brothers can’t denyThat when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waistAnd […]

3 Min Read
"Uh...did you say 'semen'?"

< 1 Min Read
The Year: 1999, Summer Time. Location: Our Family Farm.
Excitement Level? "Never A Dull Moment"...

3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

7 Min Read
Don’t it always seem to goThat you don’t know what you’ve gotTill it’s gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot. Joni mitchell, “Big Yellow Taxi” (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing […]

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...
Random Posts










5 Min Read
What do you do when someone wants to pay you to eat poo?
Oh, what to do, what to do, what to doo-doo...

7 Min Read
“Awww…he looks lost and hungry. Maybe you should offer him a snack?” It was back in the first weekend or so of our state’s [first] stay-at-home order, and the family and I were just relaxing on our screened-in porch1Bougie Alert! enjoying breakfast and the new, slower pace of life. The Boss Lady had seen some […]

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...

4 Min Read
Almost everyone has had that little brother that won't stop whining.
Or been that little brother...

5 Min Read
A Groupon for a date night at the Melting Pot and the movies? $70.
All the regrettable shenanigans that are bound to ensue? Priceless...

6 Min Read
What in the world does love got to do with a relationship that is literally toxic?
Well, you'll just have to read on, my friend, read on...

7 Min Read
Although we’re officially into the new year, and the time for countdowns is behind us, there was one last Top 5 list that I wanted to share. In the process of getting the Point of the Story up and running, I’ve had a few, er, “technical difficulties” that should serve as a reminder that, while […]

5 Min Read
As I write this, the western half humanity is only moments away from saying goodbye to the decade that was the 2010s and welcoming in 2020 and beyond. I find myself going back and forth between whether or not I’m supposed to be doing something sacred and meaningful to bring closure and completeness to the […]
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

4 Min Read
You think it would be cool being suspiciously similar to that one certain guy from The Matrix.
However, even Neo can't dodge every bullet...
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