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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...

4 Min Read
What?!? A special name just for me???
Oh, wait...that kind of 'special'...

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...

4 Min Read
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and it's time to get your funk on, baby! But first, you're gonna have to get that funk the funk off you...

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]
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5 Min Read
"Rah-rah-rah, hats off to thee! Wait one sec, let me double-check my family tree..."

3 Min Read
Back in my good ol’ college days, I spent one summer working as a counselor at a camp for troubled-by-Jesus teens.1See also: Wrestling the Machine It being a camp painfully trying to impress these youths, it included such amenities as a zipline, swimming pool, snack bar, and, critical to this story, a paintball field. Once […]

6 Min Read
When someone has a quasi-traumatic life experience, it's natural to take time to process it.
But your dude? He doth processeth too much...

4 Min Read
When you're down on your luck, a helping hand should sound great.
But when your pal's a dipshit, you have to worry about what you just ate...

4 Min Read
Ten...nine...eight...seven...
You got about six more seconds before you're gonna see ol' Hamhocks go up into porcine heaven...

2 Min Read
You might not think that playing the classic family card game Uno would ever rank in the Top 10 “Little Moments” List of a grown-ass man, but I gotta tell ya, it’s been pretty wonderful. A nice little benefit to working from home so much and having my mother live nearby is that several times […]

< 1 Min Read
When I got COVID, it took me about 5 days to get over it.
Getting over what happened during those 5 days? Oh, about 4 months and counting...
4 Min Read
The following is a lightly modified excerpt from an email with a close acquaintance. In full disclosure, it was written with the possibility in mind that it would eventually be shared here. In other words, I was workshopping it. The context: my friend had some personal writing that he asked me to review, and I […]

5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...

2 Min Read
One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering. Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began […]
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