Latest Posts
4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...
5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...
13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...
6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...
6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...
6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...
5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...
6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...
6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts
4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...
7 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: not all Valentine’s Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about it…do any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that I’ve got a Valentine’s Day tale for you. Even better, […]
5 Min Read
Did you know…that there’s such a thing called Childhood Amnesia? Most people can’t recall memories earlier than four years old, while the commonly accepted limit is around two and half years old.1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#False_memories Yeah, in fact, it happens to pretty much everybody. I had no clue such a phenomenon existed until I was 30 or so, […]
5 Min Read
This is Part 2 of my Pee-No-Evil adventure. It will probably make much more sense to first read Part 1, Touched By An Angel, if you haven’t already. That’s okay. I’ll just wait here… When I last left you, I had just experienced for the very first time not only an ultrasound, but also the […]
5 Min Read
I knew I was doing something right when a University big-wig asked to meet one-on-one.
Problem was, I had no idea what good deed I had done...
6 Min Read
What would Jesus do?"
Surely not be giving out rides when it's not his car...
< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...
6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...
10 Min Read
“Today’s a good day to dress like a tourist–I would even argue that it’s the perfect day to dress like one!” One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldn’t believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided […]
5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...
Random Posts
2 Min Read
"Eating your f*cking gummy vitamin, Kiddo!" I yelled (in my head).
6 Min Read
There's this special type of list that our great state makes--but it's on you to check it twice
Not knowing anyone naughty? That'd be nice...
5 Min Read
We're all going to die. So we might as try to gain a healthy perspective on it.
2 Min Read
"Nebraska...I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on biking to Nebraska when you woke up this morning."
6 Min Read
You're dad is cut and bleeding, son, what do you do? Hop in the farm truck and throw it in Gear 2...
4 Min Read
Ten...nine...eight...seven...
You got about six more seconds before you're gonna see ol' Hamhocks go up into porcine heaven...
2 Min Read
Growing up, my mom tended to keep the thermostat in our house set on the lower end of the tolerable spectrum. One winter, when I was about 4 or 5 years old, I couldn’t take it any more and demanded she at least buy me some warm pajamas. Despite my melodramatic pleading for her to […]
5 Min Read
Editor’s note: The original title of this article was “Here is the Introduce of NSFM”, a direct reference to a 4-year-old’s attempt at saying “Introducing…” But, for the sake of sucking suckers in to read this story–present company excluded–it was reverted to the explicit version. As an apology for having to use an editor’s note […]
3 Min Read
Some call me The Human Garbage Disposal. Unfortunately, I thought that was a compliment...
13 Min Read
In general, I’m not a fan of Facebook. About once a month or so, I accidentally find myself going through my feed. And every time, I’m like, “Oh yeah. I remember why I never visit these parts of the interwebs…” Usually this is due to the fact that it reminds me that, *sigh*, I’m related […]
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