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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts








5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

9 Min Read
In some cultures, a boy’s twelfth birthday is a very important rite of passage in his life. In Judaism this is marked with a Bar Mitzvah, in which, in the eyes of his society, he has officially become a man. Although I wasn’t brought up in the Hebrew tradition, I was still pretty excited for […]
5 Min Read
By and large, I was minding my own damn business, paying no real mind to my two companions, when I noticed the guy had started talking to the girl. Or at least talking at the girl. Either that, or he was talking to her sandwich. Honestly, it wasn't really clear. He was asking her how her sandwich was, but it was almost...sexual. I could sense the smarm coming off of him, but I wasn't sure if the object of his lust was the girl or the food.

< 1 Min Read
The Year: 1999, Summer Time. Location: Our Family Farm.
Excitement Level? "Never A Dull Moment"...

6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...

7 Min Read
Don’t it always seem to goThat you don’t know what you’ve gotTill it’s gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot. Joni mitchell, “Big Yellow Taxi” (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing […]

6 Min Read
When an unknown pervert starts lurking about, you know it's time to whip it out.
Uh, whip out your cell phone, just to be clear...

3 Min Read
"Son, you really gotta stop rubbing-your-dub."
Welp. This was going to be awkward...

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count […]
Random Posts










6 Min Read
So, I got on a bus headed in the wrong direction.
I just never thought it would be a metaphor for my life...

6 Min Read
Is this real or just my imagination?
I'm basically a God(zilla) in this strange nation...

5 Min Read
Ignore those who will try to tell you "Happy wife, happy life!"
No, true happiness can be found in 3 very different words...

2 Min Read
For reasons that will become apparent in the near future, we’ve been buying raw cashews in bulk from Costco lately. I didn’t really buy them to snack upon, but I’ve found them to be a real go-to when I want a quick protein hit. After a while, I started to notice a particular scent when […]

6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

5 Min Read
Ah, it's that time of year to fondly remember those men we call 'Dad'.
Just try not to remember TOO many details, though...

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...

5 Min Read
When it comes to sharing interesting life stories, a part of me thinks that it is a little bit cheating to retell dreams one may have had, rather than real events that have been experienced in real life. Today’s tale lands somewhere in the grey area. First off, technically it’s not my dream. Secondly, the […]
4 Min Read
March 1997: I was a Sophomore in high school and the Jim Carrey classic Liar Liar was about to hit movie theaters. My best friend, Phillip K. Ballz,1Almost but not quite his real name. Also, it’s a Phillip K. ----- pun. For the various reasons “Ballz” was choice #2, yet will be used in place […]

4 Min Read
What's that? You can't resist picking up the phone every time it rings?
Of course I'd be happy to show you how to not do it. Of course...
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