Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











5 Min Read
Once, twice--even thrice--mom's message has been read.
You rub your eyes, scratch your head--you can't believe what she actually just said...

4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."

4 Min Read
Are you sick and tired of prom themes that over-promise and under-deliver?
Well, have I got just the theme for you...

4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...

4 Min Read
Ok, so my middle name really isn’t “Physics.” It was all just marketing. You see, when I was an undergraduate at Kansas State, there was a solid 3 semesters in which I was a Secondary Education major. Yes, I had actually convinced myself that I was destined to be a high school physics teacher. It […]

< 1 Min Read
No, you didn't come here to read long-winded novels.
But that never stopped me from writing a few anyways...

5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...
Random Posts










6 Min Read
"You boys have been found guilty of being incredibly frickin' stupid.
I hereby sentence you little dumbasses to be friends for life..."

6 Min Read
Driver's Ed classes these days aren't teaching our kids one of the most valuable skills:
How to be a little ass-backwards every now and then...

4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...

2 Min Read
Opinions would be formed. Theories would be formulated. Uninformed debates would rage like the fires of hell.
Until one day, the secret would be "leaked."

4 Min Read
Okay, so maybe the title is a little misleading, in that I’ve thrown in a bonus kid-centric vignette alongside the couple of dreams that, in telling them, seem to be a totally appropriate way to celebrate the recently observed Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. Enjoy! A few weeks ago, I took our two girls, The […]

4 Min Read
Most folks cruise through life without really ever having to really give fellatio much of a second thought.
But when your name is Blow Job? Well, you aren't exactly afforded the luxury of living a life blissfully ignorant of the true meaning of such hedonistic acts.

3 Min Read
Don't be satisfied with those bougie pranks.
If you want to funk with someone's mind, you gotta play the long game...

2 Min Read
Dammit, I'm a grown-ass man. I don't need no kid telling me how to eat my fries...

5 Min Read
For a young guy, what's the worst that could possibly go wrong?
Well, I'll tell you--but pay no mind if I unexpectedly go a little long...
3 Min Read
By default, WordPress pre-populates a new blog with a singular post entitled “Hello world!” It is meant to be deleted or appropriately edited, but I felt so inspired by these words that I decided to instead subvert this post for my own purposes. Joke’s on them, I suppose. My experience with “Hello world!” is in […]
The latest word on the street