Latest Posts
4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...
5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...
13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...
6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...
6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...
6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...
5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...
6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...
6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts
6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...
7 Min Read
Some people know where they belong. Typically accompanied with a strong sense of identity, this “deluxe package” model of human being knows themselves well, knows their role in society, and has full confidence that they are in the social circle that’s a right fit for them. Gee, that sure sounds nice, doesn’t it? As you […]
6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...
4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...
4 Min Read
When traveling, being right on schedule is supposed to be a good thing.
Bodily functions, however, are a strong exception to that rule...
< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...
< 1 Min Read
It's that most wonderful time of the year:
Time for a heaping serving of our creme de la creme...
4 Min Read
“About time…about —damn time.” That was my reaction when I read the clickbait article today confirming that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 3 was REALLY, TRULY HAPPENING. Sure, we have to wait over a year before it actually comes out, but we’ve waited 28 years thus far, so who can complain? I was 8 or […]
6 Min Read
What's that? You're worried that maybe this ahistoric moment in sports may have scarred me for life?
Just wait until see the other guy...
4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]
Random Posts
4 Min Read
Well, this is a crap deal. You get the loot while I get looted...
7 Min Read
If it isn’t obvious by now, I’m particularly fascinated by dreams. I find that they provide an interesting–and sometimes terrifyingly honest–peek into our psyches. It’s like saying to your Innermost Self, “No, tell me how you really feel about me.” The downside to recounting dreams to the rest of the world is that so, so […]
4 Min Read
"Oh sh*t..." you say, as you do your best Fred-Savage-from-the-Princess-Bride impression. "Is this a pooping story?"
"This is a pooping story, isn't it..."
5 Min Read
The teacher smiled an evil smile as her devious plan came together.
But when that plan done blew up in her face? That was oh so much better...
6 Min Read
Not all those who wander are lost and then there are those who, deep down, wonder why we wander aimlessly.
Me? I blame the deep blue sea...
7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...
7 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is the B-List of Mediocre Life Tips. If you’re looking for the A-List, you can find it here. Hello Dear Readers! I hope you found my first list of tips to be life-enhancing–or mildly thought-provoking at the very least. These “tips” I share often tend to be arbitrary and capricious, and are […]
6 Min Read
That moment when: you find yourself with your shirt over your head.
Be warned, though: it's probably best not to curse the dead...
10 Min Read
Editor’s Note: This is a direct follow up to my most recent post, Taking Over the Mean Streets of Tumblr, documenting my attempt to get my piece of the kimchi market pie. Actually, it’s probably more apt to say that I’m trying to expand the kimchi market and then promptly fill that need, but that’s […]
< 1 Min Read
A fun fact about me: I’m a physicist by training, with several scientific publications in chemistry journals. Good news, though: those factors are surprisingly irrelevant to today’s life-tip. So no worries, Mate; I won’t be spitting scientific deep cuts at you today. The gravity I want to talk about here is the gravity of the […]
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