Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."

4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

5 Min Read
Who can make a boy's wildest dream come true? The Candy Man can!
And who can trash that dream? The Anti-Candy Ma'am can! Or so she thinks...

6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...

4 Min Read
Young man, pay no heed to the siren's call of 90s technology!
It's not worth the cost for some sweet eye candy (and I mean that literally...)

4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...

4 Min Read
Are you sick and tired of prom themes that over-promise and under-deliver?
Well, have I got just the theme for you...

3 Min Read
Pleased with ourselves that we had Top Secret intel that no one else had, Elmer and I spent the rest of our bus ride dreamily wondering aloud what super-cool toy the Universe would endow upon as at the gift exchange...
Random Posts











6 Min Read
If you're lucky, a cat or mouse will only scratch you.
If you're unlucky, they might just scar you for life...

3 Min Read
Editorโs Note: This is a continuation of the loose theme introduced in In Soviet Russia (spoonerisms/transpositional humorโฆand basically just more abuse of the English language). While not essential, go ahead and read it anyways. Also, for your sanity, the title simply refers to the fact that weโre getting back to that original post that started [โฆ]

8 Min Read
Ah, Fall. Autumn is my favorite time of year for many reasons, but I think taking my annual trip(s) to the North Carolina State Fair is in the Top Two of my favoritest reasons. With this yearโs fair in full swing it seems like Nothing Could Be Finer1This is the NC State Fairโs slogan. Year [โฆ]

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."

4 Min Read
Like the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants once said:
"Argh! It drives me nuts..."

4 Min Read
Being audibly abused is never thrilling.
It just might make a nice guy resort to killing...

6 Min Read
The wild, bloated kimchi casually sauntered through the driveway. They had no choice but to stab it mercilessly...

5 Min Read
This Halloween, why not visit one of the spookiest places on Earth:
The Emergency Department...mwah ha ha...

5 Min Read
"I hope there is a special extra-toasty, extra-pointy anus-bound-pitchfork place in hell for them."
The latest word on the street