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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts









5 Min Read
Did you know...racism comes in many flavors?
Well then, ret me tell you a story--though I might not be doing anyone any favors...

5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...

6 Min Read
The problem with not knowing the truth is that your imagination might run wild.
You know, like "Girls Gone Wild" wild ...

6 Min Read
Look, don't judge me for honoring a homeless guy's request.
Oh, but you'll never guess which of his weird-ass requests I'm talking about...

4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...

6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...
4 Min Read
...it quickly turned into one of those scenes from America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries where they recreate the moment that a careless parent becomes increasingly frantic trying to find the kid they lost in the park.
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

7 Min Read
Don’t it always seem to goThat you don’t know what you’ve gotTill it’s gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot. Joni mitchell, “Big Yellow Taxi” (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing […]

6 Min Read
No, not that kind of degeneracy. I’m talking about a much more refined and pretension degeneracy. Now, in quantum physics–and just bear with me for a few seconds–there’s this whole thing about being able to say what quantum state a group of particles1Or, more formally: a system. are in based on the result of some […]
Random Posts









4 Min Read
They tried to tell you, 'don't fall asleep', and it seemed ominous at the time.
You didn't listen, but things somehow still turned out fine...

3 Min Read
Don't be satisfied with those bougie pranks.
If you want to funk with someone's mind, you gotta play the long game...

6 Min Read
Face it: your science project sucked, but it can't be that bad, right?
On the bright side, at least that nightmare is finally over...
2 Min Read
Speaking of showers and judgy assholes,1See: Lawnmower Man that reminds me… During my second year of grad school, I lived with three of my fellow physics grad students. They were all [astro]nuclear physicists and my main research tool was Nuclear Magnetic Resonance (NMR), so we decided to lean hard into the whole “nuclear” theme and […]

4 Min Read
Ten...nine...eight...seven...
You got about six more seconds before you're gonna see ol' Hamhocks go up into porcine heaven...

4 Min Read
To say that it was "A Vacation From Hell" might be a bit of an exaggeration.
Just barely, though...

4 Min Read
I knew that doggy yoga position alright: "Canine Arching Back Skyward In Glorious Defecation"...
< 1 Min Read
An ode to the original host of America’s Funniest Home Videos and director of acclaimed cinematagrphic masterpiece Dirty Work, “America’s Dad”, Mr. Bob Saget: Once there was a dad on Full House,thought to be squeaky clean as a mouse.Indeed, 'twas a reputation hard-earned,but from his later career we have learned:You shouldn't trust him alone with […]

4 Min Read
Boy, you got yourself some pretty hair there.
But with great beauty comes great responsibility, son, so you better beware...

5 Min Read
"I hope there is a special extra-toasty, extra-pointy anus-bound-pitchfork place in hell for them."
The latest word on the street