Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...

5 Min Read
This is Part 2 of my Pee-No-Evil adventure. It will probably make much more sense to first read Part 1, Touched By An Angel, if you haven’t already. That’s okay. I’ll just wait here… When I last left you, I had just experienced for the very first time not only an ultrasound, but also the […]

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...

6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...

5 Min Read
I knew I was doing something right when a University big-wig asked to meet one-on-one.
Problem was, I had no idea what good deed I had done...

10 Min Read
“Today’s a good day to dress like a tourist–I would even argue that it’s the perfect day to dress like one!” One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldn’t believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided […]

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...

7 Min Read
Don’t it always seem to goThat you don’t know what you’ve gotTill it’s gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot. Joni mitchell, “Big Yellow Taxi” (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing […]

5 Min Read
Once, twice--even thrice--mom's message has been read.
You rub your eyes, scratch your head--you can't believe what she actually just said...
Random Posts










3 Min Read
"Tell me what I want, what I really, really want..."
"I don't know, I don't know, if you really, really want to know..."

2 Min Read
"Eating your f*cking gummy vitamin, Kiddo!" I yelled (in my head).

3 Min Read
Usually, it's the Easter Bunny doing the hiding.
But seriously, somebody should have hid the fire water from these two drinking bunnies...

4 Min Read
Being audibly abused is never thrilling.
It just might make a nice guy resort to killing...

6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...

4 Min Read
For those of you who believe "time is a prison":
My Dude, you gotta look to the Surf Watch for wisdom...

6 Min Read
The field, the field, the field is on fire. We don't need no water, let the mother fucker burn.
Burn mother fucker, burn...

8 Min Read
If I'm being oppressed on the job because of my hair, then we agree my boss is being racist, right?
(P.S. We're both white...)
< 1 Min Read
Now lemme rap at ya about a young man Who set out on foot across this great land What he saw 'twas barren, so desperately needing A strong lad to come along and spill his seedlings All over her ground, man, so he hatched a plan Answering her siren call with a firm shake of […]

< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...
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