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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











6 Min Read
Note: this is the 1st installment of the Kandy Karma saga. If you have already read this, please feel free to skip to Parts 2 & 3. Free candy? Socially-sanctioned dress-up playtime? No age restrictions? On it’s face, Halloween seems like a deal too good to be true. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned […]

6 Min Read
Long story short, when Mom asked I said "screw it" and told her the truth.
"I fully intend to spend the evening abusing my sweet tooth..."

7 Min Read
You ever wonder why you fought with your dad so much when you were a teen?
Oh, if only we could ever get to the root of it...

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that I’m ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many […]

6 Min Read
What would Jesus do?"
Surely not be giving out rides when it's not his car...

7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...

2 Min Read
One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering. Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began […]

10 Min Read
“Today’s a good day to dress like a tourist–I would even argue that it’s the perfect day to dress like one!” One year ago this very day, the beautiful French morning was slipping away, and I couldn’t believe I was wasting time defending my choice of vacation attire. The Boss Lady and I had decided […]

< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...
Random Posts










10 Min Read
Around 6:45 we roll up to Jack's place out in the country, and are greeted by a small gaggle of older men with grizzled beards and clad in cover-alls. I suspect that the dualing banjoes from Deliverance was playing in the Boss Lady's head in that moment, as she clearly had a so-called WTF?!? look on her face as she tried to figure out exactly what type of surprise was in store for her.

3 Min Read
"This too, shall pass."--Motivational poster found in a bathroom.

3 Min Read
You won't go to hell for a little tail-shaking on the dance floor.
Hell, son, it just might send you right to heaven...

3 Min Read
"And the award for 'Least Amount Of Substances Abused Over A Lifetime' goes to..." (*ahem* Drum roll, please...)
4 Min Read
"Michael Brown? Pfft! That dude was a clown!" --Yours Truly, circa 2015

7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...

4 Min Read
Beware if you find yourself making outrageous claims like "I invented cake pops..."

3 Min Read
Secrets lurk in the dark, waiting to ambush you.
And they're coming for your precious little family, too...

4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...

4 Min Read
"There's only enough room for one mohawk at this party!" I indubitably yelled as I popped a cap in his ass.
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