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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
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< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...

5 Min Read
I knew I was doing something right when a University big-wig asked to meet one-on-one.
Problem was, I had no idea what good deed I had done...

4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...

7 Min Read
Donโt it always seem to goThat you donโt know what youโve gotTill itโs gone.They paved paradiseAnd put up a parking lot.Joni mitchell, โBig Yellow Taxiโ (1968) In the year and a half that I took off between undergrad and grad school, I worked my first real job at a cellphone company. The great thing about [โฆ]

5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...
4 Min Read
...it quickly turned into one of those scenes from America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries where they recreate the moment that a careless parent becomes increasingly frantic trying to find the kid they lost in the park.

2 Min Read
"Nebraska...I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on biking to Nebraska when you woke up this morning."

6 Min Read
Sometimes, the drunken truth can be the most sobering thing of all...

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Donโt get me wrong, he was a great guyโmay he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Donโt worry, Iโll address that in [โฆ]

5 Min Read
Once, twice--even thrice--mom's message has been read.
You rub your eyes, scratch your head--you can't believe what she actually just said...
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7 Min Read
Although weโre officially into the new year, and the time for countdowns is behind us, there was one last Top 5 list that I wanted to share. In the process of getting the Point of the Story up and running, Iโve had a few, er, โtechnical difficultiesโ that should serve as a reminder that, while [โฆ]

6 Min Read
It's a common problem for guys with large packages like me.
Not everyone is prepared to handle the length or girth--at least not adequately...

5 Min Read
They say all good (and easy) things must come to an end.
How exactly that goes down, though, isn't always plane to see, my friend...

6 Min Read
You're dad is cut and bleeding, son, what do you do? Hop in the farm truck and throw it in Gear 2...

3 Min Read
Usually, it's the Easter Bunny doing the hiding.
But seriously, somebody should have hid the fire water from these two drinking bunnies...
4 Min Read
The following is a lightly modified excerpt from an email with a close acquaintance. In full disclosure, it was written with the possibility in mind that it would eventually be shared here. In other words, I was workshopping it. The context: my friend had some personal writing that he asked me to review, and I [โฆ]

4 Min Read
Aim high, son, you go get that job of your dreams! But don't forget to mention those treats filled with cream...

2 Min Read
...after all, you always gotta be emotionally prepared for at least one solution involving "rainbow-farting unicorns" to be thrown out.

4 Min Read
Well, this is a crap deal. You get the loot while I get looted...

3 Min Read
"To the LeBaron!" is what you hoped to hear. "To the Le Pickle Wagon!" is what you got instead...
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