Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

3 Min Read
"No! Only I get to stuff the ballot box!" he hissed at me as he grabbed my wrists and wrestled the stack of raffle entries from my hand...

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]

6 Min Read
What would Jesus do?"
Surely not be giving out rides when it's not his car...

4 Min Read
"I can't believe you're asking me to be your Best Man!
I promise you wont' regret it..."

5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...

4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...
Random Posts







5 Min Read
Going public with this blog makes me nervous. Or at best, very anxious. I would describe it as being at the top of the first drop on a roller coaster, and your car is toward the back. The first car is already succumbing to gravity, and though you’re not falling yet, you’re already feeling the […]

5 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: something you may not know about me is that I’m a Caucasian male. Not to minimize the troubles I’ve had in this world–I’ve had my share of true sorrow, heartache, and hardship–but sometimes I have to take a step back and acknowledge how being a white dude has affected my life […]

4 Min Read
Like the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants once said:
"Argh! It drives me nuts..."
4 Min Read
March 1997: I was a Sophomore in high school and the Jim Carrey classic Liar Liar was about to hit movie theaters. My best friend, Phillip K. Ballz,1Almost but not quite his real name. Also, it’s a Phillip K. ----- pun. For the various reasons “Ballz” was choice #2, yet will be used in place […]

4 Min Read
"There's only enough room for one mohawk at this party!" I indubitably yelled as I popped a cap in his ass.

< 1 Min Read
As the year–and the decade–draws to a close, it’s only appropriate to partake in the time-honored tradition of substituting new and original content with Top 3/10/100/etc lists and other asinine countdowns. This first Top 3 list comes to you courtesy of The Boss Lady, aka my wife (if you haven’t picked up on this by […]

7 Min Read
Although we’re officially into the new year, and the time for countdowns is behind us, there was one last Top 5 list that I wanted to share. In the process of getting the Point of the Story up and running, I’ve had a few, er, “technical difficulties” that should serve as a reminder that, while […]

3 Min Read
Sometimes I fancy myself a bit of a guardian angel: unseen, but always looking out for unsuspecting fine young honeys everywhere...
5 Min Read
I love dreams. For most of my life I’ve been able to remember at least some portion of my dreams on any given night. I consider myself fortunate in that regard, and I shower unrequested pity on those out there that never can remember their mid-night shenanigans and escapades. Ah, dreams. I find them intriguing […]

6 Min Read
Do you know what an "incubus" is?
I've heard the term, but am curious to find out what all the hub-bub is about.
The latest word on the street