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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...

4 Min Read
Beware if you find yourself making outrageous claims like "I invented cake pops..."

4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]

4 Min Read
When religious ministry and wordplay collide, ya better butter up, BuckleCup.
Slipe 'n slide and glide, it's gonna be one heaven of a ride...

5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...

6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

4 Min Read
I’m not quite Over The Hill yet, but you know how I can tell it’s clearly coming up over the horizon? Wait–that’s a poor invocation of that metaphor. To be more accurate: you now how I can tell I’m pretty much firmly atop the Hill, mere months away from tumbling down the other side? Two […]
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9 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is the 3rd installment of the Prissy Pet Project. While not required reading, it may be helpful to have previously read Epitaph: A Preface to Passive Income Adventures to Come and (more importantly) Prissy Pet Project Parte Primera. Journal Date: 22 November 2019 (Friday) To bring everyone up to speed, a few […]

2 Min Read
Hint: It was never really about the candy...

6 Min Read
At that point I was all but certain that I was stuck in the Twilight Zone. Probably the episode entitled "The Middle of Nowhere " at that...

5 Min Read
The teacher smiled an evil smile as her devious plan came together.
But when that plan done blew up in her face? That was oh so much better...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

6 Min Read
By time I was done, I had that envelope covered front and back with inky, inky unsolicited information. I mean, I feel like only Ken Burns could put together something more well-documented than the work of art that I held in my hands.

4 Min Read
Disclaimer: no gold was harmed in the making of this film.
But, fellas, you're probably not going to like it when you hear what was harmed...

4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...

5 Min Read
Here’s a fun fact: something you may not know about me is that I’m a Caucasian male. Not to minimize the troubles I’ve had in this world–I’ve had my share of true sorrow, heartache, and hardship–but sometimes I have to take a step back and acknowledge how being a white dude has affected my life […]

6 Min Read
That moment when: you find yourself with your shirt over your head.
Be warned, though: it's probably best not to curse the dead...
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