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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

5 Min Read
As I write this very topical post, we are at the front end of these uncertain times brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. No doubt, some out there probably can’t help but wonder if we’re living out the Book of Revelations in real time. I can’t say that thought hasn’t crossed my mind once or […]

2 Min Read
"Nebraska...I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on biking to Nebraska when you woke up this morning."

9 Min Read
Everybody needs at least one constant truth in their life to keep them sane. For me, that one truth was that I could always count on olives to be intolerably nasty. I knew from an early age that olives and I weren’t going to get along. For example, when I was 9 I had gone […]

7 Min Read
If you love her, you'll give her whatever she needs.
Even if that "whatever" involves 8 gallons of oil...

< 1 Min Read
It's kinda like a 'Rags to Riches' story.
Except by the end, I barely got to keep my polyester britches...

6 Min Read
When she said "Farmboy, fetch me the finest seats in the house," you know what he said?
"As you wish..."

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
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6 Min Read
If you're lucky, a cat or mouse will only scratch you.
If you're unlucky, they might just scar you for life...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

5 Min Read
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a mother f*cking tree of life.
10 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. For your convenience, […]

6 Min Read
Quick question: do you have to actually know your neighbor before you call in that big favor?
Asking for a friend (or vice versa)...

2 Min Read
One time in college, I went on a road trip with a random group of acquaintances to a conference in Iowa. To pass the time, we decided to play “20 Questions”–a real road trip classic, right? This must have been the Fall of 2001, because that was the only period in my life when I […]
2 Min Read
As a teenager, I, like most normal human beings, would find myself picking my nose as I laid in bed trying to fall asleep. However, I never planned on doing it; it would just happen organically and naturally each time. The problem being, I was never prepared for success in these undertakings, so I never […]

4 Min Read
To say that it was "A Vacation From Hell" might be a bit of an exaggeration.
Just barely, though...

5 Min Read
Sometimes, there are no gifts under the tree. Sometimes, the real gift is the tree itself...

5 Min Read
They say all good (and easy) things must come to an end.
How exactly that goes down, though, isn't always plane to see, my friend...
The latest word on the street