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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts








5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.
7 Min Read
Some people know where they belong. Typically accompanied with a strong sense of identity, this “deluxe package” model of human being knows themselves well, knows their role in society, and has full confidence that they are in the social circle that’s a right fit for them. Gee, that sure sounds nice, doesn’t it? As you […]

4 Min Read
Fuck Bob Ross. Don’t get me wrong, he was a great guy–may he rest in peace. But seriously, ----- him and his happy little trees, too. You may be wondering what the hell is wrong with me, as it is a widely accepted fact that everyone loves The Ross-ster. Don’t worry, I’ll address that in […]

5 Min Read
Did you know…that there’s such a thing called Childhood Amnesia? Most people can’t recall memories earlier than four years old, while the commonly accepted limit is around two and half years old.1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#False_memories Yeah, in fact, it happens to pretty much everybody. I had no clue such a phenomenon existed until I was 30 or so, […]

5 Min Read
Was the question: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"?
Ah, hell naw, the answer should never be "malpractice insurance premiums and patient death rates"...

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...

6 Min Read
You swear you weren't meaning to get a leg up on the competition
But now you gotta fix the situation without drawing too much attention...

4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...

5 Min Read
Most people can't quite put their finger on what feels 'off' about their lives.
At least until what's 'off' is a little too 'on the nose'...
Random Posts










7 Min Read
If you love her, you'll give her whatever she needs.
Even if that "whatever" involves 8 gallons of oil...

2 Min Read
Back in January–a much simpler time, indeed–I was hanging out with one of my friends in the neighborhood while our kids played together. He asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I told him anything but politics–I wanted to relax and that was the last thing that would help me do that. Somehow, […]

5 Min Read
Editor’s note: This is a companion post to But I Still Love Technology-The Evens & But I Still Love Technology-The Other Odds, and, with their powers combined, form a complete version of The Top 5 Times Technology has Screwed Me Over at the Point of the Story. If you haven’t read The Evens yet, you […]

3 Min Read
You won't go to hell for a little tail-shaking on the dance floor.
Hell, son, it just might send you right to heaven...

4 Min Read
It's like they always say: You really put the "son" in "prison"...

4 Min Read
Being audibly abused is never thrilling.
It just might make a nice guy resort to killing...

5 Min Read
Who can make a boy's wildest dream come true? The Candy Man can!
And who can trash that dream? The Anti-Candy Ma'am can! Or so she thinks...

5 Min Read
For a young guy, what's the worst that could possibly go wrong?
Well, I'll tell you--but pay no mind if I unexpectedly go a little long...

6 Min Read
I understand if you’ve been guilty of hoarding during the COVID-19 pandemic. You didn’t mean to–it just happened. It was accidental for you, too, right? Or am I just projecting? Ok, just speaking for myself here: I never planned on being a bougie hoarder like everyone else. And in a way, I like to believe […]
4 Min Read
Sometimes, you just need to be regaled with tales of the asinine and the absurd. After all, what are the building blocks of the human experience but for these two things? Today is one of those days, and now is one of those times. Act I Last year, when my elder daughter had just started […]
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