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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts











6 Min Read
Just cuz somebody is a real smarty-pants doesn't mean they don't make dumb decisions on occasion.
And, no, I'm not returning my medal, man...

4 Min Read
Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your clean-cut mom or dad suddenly cussing like a sailor?
Then today's your lucky day, sir...

7 Min Read
Hereโs a fun fact: not all Valentineโs Day stories are hot steamy messes of eroticism and romantic escapades. Now that I think about itโฆdo any of them ever really turn out that way? Well, reality check aside, you can bet your sweet heart-shaped ass that Iโve got a Valentineโs Day tale for you. Even better, [โฆ]

8 Min Read
This is a warning to any kiddie-stalkers that look oddly like my friend, my dude:
You keep following those girls, and I swear I'll end you...

6 Min Read
What's that? You're worried that maybe this ahistoric moment in sports may have scarred me for life?
Just wait until see the other guy...

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

4 Min Read
What do you do when you realize there's no time left on your collegiate clock?
Well, that's when you best call in the BWC (Big White Cauc)...

7 Min Read
Ahh, Early March: perhaps most widely remembered as a nation-wide period of mourning, year in and year out. Feeling depressed around this time of the year, every year, without fail? Yeah. #MeToo. Most people go throughout life never knowing the reason behind this annual mood swing. If you count yourself amongst that legion, then count [โฆ]

6 Min Read
Wanna hear a fantasticโbut trueโstory? On a dreary Seattle day in May 1992, a brave dark knight hoisted himself upon a giant papier-mรขchรฉ derriรจre and spoke truth into a flat and listless world: I like big butts and I cannot lieYou other brothers canโt denyThat when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waistAnd [โฆ]

5 Min Read
Sometimes you get "close, but no banana." But even worse is when you get "close, and all banana"...
Random Posts











7 Min Read
Hey all you bureaucratic fat-cats down at the DMV! Yeah, that's right, I got a bone to pick with you...

5 Min Read
What do you do when someone wants to pay you to eat poo?
Oh, what to do, what to do, what to doo-doo...

6 Min Read
When an unknown pervert starts lurking about, you know it's time to whip it out.
Uh, whip out your cell phone, just to be clear...

4 Min Read
Iโm not quite Over The Hill yet, but you know how I can tell itโs clearly coming up over the horizon? Waitโthatโs a poor invocation of that metaphor. To be more accurate: you now how I can tell Iโm pretty much firmly atop the Hill, mere months away from tumbling down the other side? Two [โฆ]

7 Min Read
Maybe, just maybe, you and your buddy have watched a little too much TMNT.
And you know play time is definitely over when up rolls the MP...

6 Min Read
So, I got on a bus headed in the wrong direction.
I just never thought it would be a metaphor for my life...

3 Min Read
So lay down and pour yourself a medium dosage of whatever sedative you can find laying around, because, admit it: that's what all really should have done for the last 3 months of 2020.

6 Min Read
In marriage, it's often hard to get your message across.
Especially when it has to get across the Other Side...

5 Min Read
Ignore those who will try to tell you "Happy wife, happy life!"
No, true happiness can be found in 3 very different words...

2 Min Read
Dammit, I'm a grown-ass man. I don't need no kid telling me how to eat my fries...
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