Latest Posts











4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










4 Min Read
The White Jesus Savior Complex is a lot like the Rapture. You never really see it coming...

7 Min Read
You ever wonder why you fought with your dad so much when you were a teen?
Oh, if only we could ever get to the root of it...

5 Min Read
Did you knowโฆthat thereโs such a thing called Childhood Amnesia? Most people canโt recall memories earlier than four years old, while the commonly accepted limit is around two and half years old.1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#False_memories Yeah, in fact, it happens to pretty much everybody. I had no clue such a phenomenon existed until I was 30 or so, [โฆ]

5 Min Read
On that day, there was terror in the air.
And every single passenger on that plane knew that it was coming from back there...

< 1 Min Read
The Year 2021: The Year of the Endless Home Renovation.
Pfft! More like "The Year We Almost Ended Up Homeless"...

6 Min Read
You hope to give your baby daughter an Easter surprise, but...(Spoiler alert)Jesus isn't the only white thing that's about to arise...

4 Min Read
Well, it was either "ignoble death" or "registered sex offender for life."
I quickly came to terms that I was probably going to die right there in the water...
5 Min Read
Even when she gathered both of us in the room and demanded we get to the bottom of The Mystery of Which of My Teen Boys Has Been Looking at Lingerie Catalogs, I managed to stick to my guns and maintain the lie.

6 Min Read
It's the night before you flight, and something just ain't right.
Look out, ICT, you is about to see all the wrong kinds of white...

5 Min Read
Has an unexpected interstate lawman come a-knockin' at your door?
Demand they double-check--surely you ain't the guy they're looking for...
Random Posts











5 Min Read
What could possibly be more interesting than life on the farm?
Death on the farm. Definitely "death on the farm"...

6 Min Read
You're dad is cut and bleeding, son, what do you do? Hop in the farm truck and throw it in Gear 2...

8 Min Read
Editorโs note: This is yet another entry in the saga of my Kimchi Baron of the Interwebs aspirations, aka The Prissy Pet Project. Perhaps you need to read the most recent journal entry, Work-From-Throne Job Opportunity Available, to get slightly more up to speed. The short version of where weโre at in the process is [โฆ]

4 Min Read
What happens when the brightest minds are banished to the back of the room?
Indubitably, sparks will fly and things will go boom...

8 Min Read
With graduation season nigh upon us, I thought what would be better than to take a moment to celebrate such achievements and milestones in our lives? Not to #HumbleBrag, but my Ph.D. graduation ceremony only lands at #2 on my list of diplomas that Iโm ----- proud of earning. No, the #1 spot came many [โฆ]

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...

3 Min Read
You took the plunge, you pulled the trigger, you popped the question. There was no turning back after that...

3 Min Read
"...or else the Source Of Life would be overrun by bare beavers!"

< 1 Min Read
Come, sit down with a tumbler of brandy or a glass of fine wine.
I've got some tales to tell you old friend, if you have the time...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...
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