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4 Min Read
He's so wet, so weak, so powerless--he's a bachelor in distress.
And if his damsel won't save him, he'll just die in this shower, I guess...

5 Min Read
'Tis a tragedy! 'Tis a mystery! My cheese has gone missing in the middle of the night!
Show yourself, fiend--dare you step into the light...

13 Min Read
Six years and 340 posts in, and still no book deals-ies?
Sweet White Jesus, this is getting old pretty quick for reals-ies...

6 Min Read
This is the story of two brothers, one a hero, one forgotten to time.
A tale telling that it really matters how you get to that finish line...
6 Min Read
Ya know how they say 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'?
Um, let's just say ya funk with Dunkin, won't be no drinking yo' coffee in peace...

6 Min Read
Excuse me, ma'am--EXCUSE ME--Yoo-hoo! My eyes are up here.
Say, it's not polite to let yo' gaze linger so long anywhere near, uh, um, er...

6 Min Read
I swear, you can't leave your kid home alone for 20 minutes before things go to sh*t. So tell me, Pro Parent, how you plan to deal with it...

5 Min Read
I ain't green like Kermit, and I ain't orange like Ernie nor yellow like his rubber ducky.
Why, ain't no reason why I'm so darn lucky...

6 Min Read
You can't always trust yo' multi-cultural money-making schemes to go as planned.
Fear not tho! Your wife's street cred can lend you a hand...

6 Min Read
So you think you've gotten away with pulling off the ultimate dad joke?
But it turns out that is too soon that you have spoke...
Featured Posts










4 Min Read
Young man, pay no heed to the siren's call of 90s technology!
It's not worth the cost for some sweet eye candy (and I mean that literally...)

4 Min Read
"...what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?"

7 Min Read
Yeah, sure, David Attenborough nature documentaries can be fascinating and informative. But as a source of relationship advice? Not so much...

< 1 Min Read
It's that most wonderful time of the year:
Time for a heaping serving of our creme de la creme...

5 Min Read
Did you know…that there’s such a thing called Childhood Amnesia? Most people can’t recall memories earlier than four years old, while the commonly accepted limit is around two and half years old.1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_amnesia#False_memories Yeah, in fact, it happens to pretty much everybody. I had no clue such a phenomenon existed until I was 30 or so, […]
10 Min Read
Editor’s note: For the sake of keeping the running time of my weekly Sunday missives as close to 5 minutes as possible, this multi-thought musing has been split up into two parts. While each part has some entertainment and/or philosophical value by itself, they truly need to be read as a whole. For your convenience, […]

5 Min Read
Who can make a boy's wildest dream come true? The Candy Man can!
And who can trash that dream? The Anti-Candy Ma'am can! Or so she thinks...

6 Min Read
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, with his Pillow-Sack-Of-Fun...

5 Min Read
Amidst our many arguments, one thing was never up for debate.
Dad and I both knew that I could never drive that damn tractor straight...

4 Min Read
Are you sick and tired of prom themes that over-promise and under-deliver?
Well, have I got just the theme for you...
Random Posts









6 Min Read
I understand if you’ve been guilty of hoarding during the COVID-19 pandemic. You didn’t mean to–it just happened. It was accidental for you, too, right? Or am I just projecting? Ok, just speaking for myself here: I never planned on being a bougie hoarder like everyone else. And in a way, I like to believe […]

4 Min Read
Boy, you got yourself some pretty hair there.
But with great beauty comes great responsibility, son, so you better beware...

3 Min Read
Sometimes I fancy myself a bit of a guardian angel: unseen, but always looking out for unsuspecting fine young honeys everywhere...

7 Min Read
You were told that you just had to ask to get your money back.
But with these clowns you instead find that your sanity is under attack...

6 Min Read
If you're aspiring to be an educator, why not take it for a spin first?
You never know what you just might learn...

4 Min Read
That sweettooth of yours already got you in trouble once, kid.
But just you wait until Dad discovers the second half of the damage you did...

6 Min Read
If you're lucky, a cat or mouse will only scratch you.
If you're unlucky, they might just scar you for life...
3 Min Read
BREAKING NEWS: In conversations with my expected #1 Fan (Hello, Mother1), I have learned that she is hesitant to visit my freshly launched site on account of not being able to unsee certain 4-letter words. This hearkens back to a conversation we had a few weeks before the launch date. [Scene: the freezer section of […]

5 Min Read
It all started just like any other regrettable college moment:
"Chug! Chug! Chug..."
5 Min Read
Editor’s note: The original title of this article was “Here is the Introduce of NSFM”, a direct reference to a 4-year-old’s attempt at saying “Introducing…” But, for the sake of sucking suckers in to read this story–present company excluded–it was reverted to the explicit version. As an apology for having to use an editor’s note […]
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