Sometimes simply being a listening ear can mean the world to someone.
Mainly because then you’re not a running mouth…
“Just hanging in there the best I can…”
I gave a slight smirk upon hearing the exterminator’s response to my question, “How ya doing today?”–my attempt at basic pleasantries one might be expected to proffer when interacting with a stranger.
He had come by for his bi-monthly visit to spray for bugs around our house, and, as usual, he was at our front door letting us know he was there and what he planned to do that day–you know, to preempt us from calling the cops upon seeing a random dude wandering around outside our house.
Now, I’m not really big on the whole “basic pleasantries” thing, on account of the overly-honest gene in my DNA that gives me a near-unhealthy penchant for authenticity in all of my inter-personal interactions. So it’s always a treacherous gamble to engage in such activities with me, as you might just get more than the usual lie of “I’m doing just fine” that typically serves as the lubricant that keeps society running smoothly.
Anyways, the bug guy had caught me in a particularly hectic moment, so let’s just say that he had no idea what he was in for…
“That was about to be my exact response!”
I didn’t want to leave the guy wondering why I had a half-grin on my face, so I was letting him know that I could relate to how he was feeling. But before I burdened him with my current woes, I decided to let him share first what was weighing him down.
“Yeah, I hear ya…what’s ailing you these days?” I continued.
Who says that two complete strangers can’t share a sincere human connection, amiright?
“Well…” he said before pausing for a brief moment.
“Don’t worry, Buddy, you got a listening ear in me.” I gently encouraged him.
“So, I just recovered from COVID after being knocked on my ass for couple of weeks…”
“Oof. That’s rough.”
“…but what was really tough was losing 3 family members to COVID in just the last 2 months…”
“Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that.” I asked for ‘realness’, and whether I liked it or not, he was sure delivering.
“And then…”
“Wait! There’s more?” I thought to myself. Hadn’t he suffered enough already?
“…I get off work two nights ago, and come home to find all my possessions on the front porch.”
Sh*t. That could mean only one thing.
“Turns out, out of nowhere, my wife leaves me for another guy. I had no clue; I was completely blindsided.”
“Oh, man, that is so terrible–on top of everything else, too…”
Honestly, this was new territory. The closest I had previously come to having to figure out how to respond to a random person sharing some incredibly personal trauma with me was that one time I tried to give $20 to a guy loitering outside the local Korean fried chicken joint, and, well, I don’t have to tell you how that went.
“She said she’s taking the house. So I’ve been sleeping in my work truck the last few nights since I have nowhere to go…”
“Dang…” I was pretty much speechless by this point. I just couldn’t believe The Universe would kick a guy so squarely in the cajones when he was already down.
“…and I’ve got exactly negative $124 in my bank account, so yeah…I’m just hanging in there best I can.”
I was officially speechless at this point, doing all I could not to cry in front of another grown-ass man who just poured his heart out to me.
“Welp, today I’ll be spraying around the perimeter of your home as usual–gotta keep the creepy-crawlies from getting in the first place. Oh, and have you noticed any issues with bugs inside the house lately?”
“Here you go, I want you to have this. It’s not much, but hopefully it’ll help take the sting off a little.”
I had been an unexpected emotional wreck for the past 20 minutes while he had sprayed around the house–and I was just as worried that he would leave without checking back in with me. After rummaging through a couple dressers, I found what I had hoped to pass on to him: a Ziploc baggy with a modest amount of cash in it–serendipitously within a couple of dollars of his negative bank account balance.1Not to #HumbleBrag, but I had discovered that they were $20 bills when I thought they were $50s or $100s, so it wasn’t as much as I had hoped to pass on to my hurting amigo. So I was rather relieved (and nervous!) when I heard the doorbell ring again.
He graciously accepted the gift, and just stood there for a moment.
“I’m doing all I can not to cry–this means so much to me.”
I, too, was doing all I could not to cry.
“I know hugs aren’t a good idea right now, but how about a fist-bump?” he offered.
I took him up on that, and in that moment, the much-maligned fist-bump became the vessel for one of the deepest connection I have experienced with another human being…
“You ever pondered over that part of the Bible where Jesus talks about ‘what you’ve done unto the least of these, you’ve done unto me'2https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Matthew-25-40 and what-not?”
“Yeah, I suppose I’ve given it some thought…”
Over a month later, and the Boss Lady and I were road-tripping to the beach for her birthday get-a-way, and I had just opened up to her for the first time about my encounter with the bug guy–it had been so emotionally heavy that I hadn’t been able to share it with another soul for weeks on end.
And she was indubitably wondering where I was going with it by bringing in theology.
“Well, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve just punched my ticket to Black Heaven3It wasn’t explicitly stated, but the bug guy is Black. So on top of everything else he has to deal with a baseline of systemic racism and racial inequity.…”
After a pause, my mouth rambled on to finish that train of thought.
“…and of course, by blasting my good deeds to the whole world, I’m no doubt voiding that ticket and going straight back to Caucasian hell…”
Empathy, generosity, and now humor?
Though I hadn’t meant to, my little tale had assaulted my dear wife with the Trifecta of Character Every Woman Wants Her Man, and thereby winning her heart back over after a little run-of-the-mill, very incredibly stupid 24-hour marital spat.
Again, yes I know that telling the whole world about my kind heart and valiant deeds kinda nullifies everything, but there really is a point in sharing all this.
I mean, it was her fault for trying to be infectiously gracious in the first place after I had mumbled a few choice expletives at an inept teen driver with whom we were stuck in traffic.
“Dear, don’t be so harsh–you never know what kind of day she’s been having…”
“Sigh. That’s true. Speaking of which, boy, do I have a story for you…”
“I’m crying! I’m crying!”
Fortunately, the Boss Lady was crying tears of laughter at this point, despite the gravity of The Bug Guy Story I had just intimated to her.
“Whew! Oh boy, I can’t get over the thought of you sharing your woes first instead of him–what was it you were about to say again?”
“Well, first, in my defense, things had been pretty stressful for me then. At least relatively speaking.”
“Just tell me the exact phrase you were about to tell him, explaining why you had the need to ‘hang in there’ the best you could.”
“Fine. I was about to say, and I quote:
‘Yeah man, life’s been rough on me lately. I’ve been trying to upgrade our front and back porches with this really expensive composite decking, and it’s just been taking forever. And on top of that, me and the family are leaving for a 6-day Disney World vacation tomorrow, and I feel completely unprepared. I’m totally stressing out here, man!’
There. Are you happy with how incredible close to being utterly embarrassed while simultaneously making him feel even more horrible?”
*gasp! gasp*
“One moment while I catch my breath…”
I couldn’t help but roll me eyes.
“Are you finished with your schadenfreude yet?”
“Oh, Dear…again, it all comes back to you, Disney, and your First-World Problems…”
Content created on: 29 April 2022 (Friday)
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