No one wants to have an exciting story about getting COVID.
But if you can live to tell about it, it’s TOTALLY worth it…
“You gotta be f***in’ kidding me…”
It was 4 am on a Thursday morning back in June, and I found myself staring down in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test in my hand…
…
Hah! Just kidding! I wasn’t pregnant, per se–unless you counted all the little baby COVID virus-lets running around my body. And whether or not I found it incredulous that I, snowflake extraordinaire, had finally fallen to the mighty ‘VID, that didn’t change the facts of the matter: I was officially sick with the plague. And I could only imagine that I would indubitably be in for a bumpy ride over the next 3-7 days.
You might even say the situation was “pregnant” with potential for a modest amount of shenanigans. Not only do I have to try to survive my mind and body being ravaged by the cooties, but I had to hope beyond hope that I didn’t get anybody else sick–especially my daughters.
But then the Boss Lady had a brilliant suggestion: “Hey, maybe you should get a hotel room for a few days, or at least as long as the rest of the household is testing negative.”
What’s that, you say? A little “COVID Vacation”–quarantining and doing jack squat for days on end–just for me?!? Well…that changes everything.
One ticket to Boring Town, please…
“I just want to get my blog written, and then spend the rest of my time reading my way through some overdue library books…”
Of course I didn’t say this out loud, but in the back of my mind I was thinking that the key to enjoying my COVID-cation would be by setting my goals super-low. By the time I had gotten around to think about such things, it was only Thursday mid-morning, and seeing as how my self-imposed blog deadline wasn’t until late Saturday night, I was feeling pretty good about my under-achieving plan. I figured that if I had 2 full, quiet days to myself, then that would be more than enough to accomplish that singular item on my To-Do-Before-I-Can-Really-Relax list.
I had already called up my Primary Care Provider and had an appointment for 4:20 that afternoon, and so the only tasks that remained now were to nail down some accommodations for the next few evenings, pack my bags, and then jam out.
Instead of getting a hotel room, I decided that an AirBnB with a full kitchen would be a much option. I’m frickin’ sick–I don’t wanna have to be going out and about to forage for food! (Well, apart from a triple-masked express supply run to the grocery story beforehand for fresh fruits and microwavable meals.)
Pretty quickly I had scouted out the perfect setup: a sweet little one-bedroom in the nearby college town for only $80/night + tax + fees–and most importantly, I’d have the whole place to myself! I didn’t hesitate to nail that bad boy down and booked it for Thursday & Friday nights1Total for 2 nights: ~$285. Believe it or not, this was one of the best deals to be had. lickety-split!
(It was only later that I learned that it boasted not 1, but 2 beautiful views–one of a brick wall, and the other of a Wendy’s. Surprisingly, those turned out to be rather relaxing vistas.)
The only hiccup I encountered in that process was the fact that AirBnB is overly nosy, and demanded that I “leave a note for your host, let them know what brings you to town!” This is actually required for you to book any place on their website…so I had no choice but to tell them an alternative truth–I can’t be like, “I’m deathly ill and I’m just gonna quarantine and/or possibly die over here at your place,” right? So instead I said I was “in town researching some nearby real estate”–which was technically true (more on that later, though).
It wasn’t long before I had packed up two nights’ worth of clothes and supplies–and my laptop and library books, of course–and I was heading to my new temporary home. A short detour to check out some land just outside of town–I told you I wasn’t lying about the ‘real estate research’–and to get groceries, and I rolled up to my apartment right at 4 pm, aka Check-In Time.
Man, was this plan clicking like a well-oiled machine or what? I had perfectly timed it so I could then back-track to my doctor’s office for my 4:20 appointment. Scoring some suitable meds, followed by a microwave meal back at the pad, and it looked like I was gonna be ready to settle in–and since I was starting to feel like crud at that point–get some much, much needed rest…
“…and then, youngen’s, I took a nap, wrote my weekly blog post in record time, and spent the rest of my COVID-cation reading 3 library books. ‘Twas the closest to heaven I had ever been on earth…”
…said no future version of myself, ever. What? You think I would get off that lucky?
No! This boring story was only a prelude to what I desperately wished was one very boring and uneventful COVID-cation.
Instead, what happened? Oh, well wouldn’t you like to know? I’ll have to leave you hanging for now because, well, it’s a tale that will take a few posts to get through–a tale with four distinct Acts/Parts, in fact.
But since I kinda like you, I’ll throw you a bone and I leave you with these 2 vaguely suggestive tidbits:
Teaser 1: Afterwards, when I was trying process all that had happened, the Boss Lady eventually out of exasperation had to declare, “Jeez, just blog about it and get on with your life already!”
Teaser 2: In this Tale, you will hear the term “ghost” used with not one, not two, but three completely different meanings.2In an earlier in-person retelling, I accidentally used ‘ghost’ a fourth time, so you might get a bonus one thrown in there for free.
What else can I say at this point but “stay tuned…”
Content created on: 2/3 September 2022 (Fri/Sat)
Footnotes & References:
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