4 Min Read

In my neck of the woods of North Carolina, we have ourselves a proper Con-federation in-festation problem afoot.

For some reason, uh…shall we say “Dixie enthusiasts” have been flocking to our sleepy little hamlet to exercise their 1A1If you don’t own a gun or at least wish you did, that is a “2A” reference–short for Second Amendment. The More You Know, Mofo. rights and show their support for their Stars n’ Bars heritage.2In other words, pro-Confederate flag demonstrators.

You typically would get excited when your small town makes the regional news, but lately we’ve been popping up for not-so-exciting reasons. I mean, who wouldn’t want to open the newspaper to see the headlines teeming with such beunas noticias3Spanish for good news. as:

So naturally, what does one do when the Confederate-flag-on-a-hockey-stick games begin?

Put a Black Lives Matter sign in their front yard, of course.

…and that is exactly what the neighbors directly across the street from us did! After all, the wife, “Alexa,”9Not her real first name. is a key figure in the local George Floyd-related activist group.

Well, actually they had had their sign up for well over a month by the time the hockey stick incident occurred, so it had become a regular part of my front-door vista.

Last Friday, which would have been the day after the incident in question, my mother dearest noticed a suspicious vehicle parked nose-to-nose with her Jeep in its usual spot on the street in front of our house. She couldn’t tell what they were doing, but about the time she noticed it, the guy in the car seemed to see her peeping out our front door, and took off.

Later that evening, she and I stood out in the spot where he had been parked, looking around trying to figure out what he had been up to. Our first guess was that he was from our HOA checking up on us, as we had recently received notice that some a-hole busybody in our neighborhood didn’t like the aesthetics of the tarp tree-fort mom and the girls had made out of the tree in our front yard.

The only other thing I noticed different was that the neighbors’ Black Lives Matter sign was not in its usual spot across the street, nor anywhere else to be seen for that matter. No pun intended.

I made a mental note of it to follow up on that theory later, but that would have to wait a few days, as Alexa and her family would be out of town until the end of the weekend.

It was probably just the HOA-hole anyways, but you can never tell…

Now you may need to brace yourself for this next part (unless you read my last blog post, of course).

It just so happened that, at that very same moment in the history of the Universe, we were in the market for a Black Lives Matter yard sign of our very own.

This idea had been brewing for a couple of weeks already, and I had heard rumors that Alexa had extra signs for sale for any wokals10Yes, Virginia, that is a portmanteau of “Woke” and “Local”. No, Virginia, that is not an Asian-oriented racial joke. And no, Virginia, the use of “oriented” in this context is not meant to be a pun or otherwise humorous. wanting to show their support and solidarity to the cause. So it was a happy coincidence that I could cover both topics when I reached out to her.

It wasn’t until Wednesday by the time I got around to actually working up the courage to potentially procure a BLM sign of my own. Fortunately Alexa responded to me in a timely manner. This was her response to my twin questions of “Can I have a sign?” and “Uh, you have any issues with your sign over the weekend?”:

So first the bad news: sadly, their sign had been stolen while they were out of town (but I love the idea of her “putting them on blast” if it happens again).

Also, a quick but very relevant side note: in a later email she revealed that this was at least the second time this has happened…and that these incidents just happen to coincide with our local Confederate flag hoe-downs. Go figure.

And now, the good news: she had one last sign for us, available at the below-market price of $12.50–from a black-owned business, nonetheless! The wokeness is getting out of hand real quick…

I decided to jump at the opportunity before someone else came along and snagged the last one, and tapped out a response as quickly as my fat fingers could go.

Unfortunately, the Mystery of the Missing Sign weighed heavily on my mind…

I mean, what would we do if our sign were to be stolen? And–on an unrelated note–is merely putting one meager sign in our yard doing enough to show our neighbors support?

Before I realized it, those quandaries were pouring out of my finger tips and into the email.

Let’s just say my train-of-thought was going a little too fast around that last curve…

Yes absolutely we want the last one! I had a thought...I say that any time the signs get taken in the future, let’s replace them with twice as many. I figure between our two yards, we could easily get up to 64 nicely spaced signs in each. Off the top my head, including the cost to replace the signs in addition to the proposed 128, that would come out to around $3500. If there is indeed another round of stimulus checks, then ours alone would almost perfectly cover that. I can’t think of a better use of that money than to troll whoever these woefully small-minded turds may be. They would basically be directly supporting a black-owned business, so joke’s on them. Sorry. My imagination got away from me there. We’ll be in touch.

To quote the Boss Lady’s secret hotty, Bane, from the 2012 Nolan Brothers blockbuster hit, The Dark Night Rises:11https://youtu.be/6GzUoK8VDAE?t=109

Let the games begin, you racist ----- dipshits.

ONe good ----- neighbor

***Subject to the approval of Boss Lady Matosha. Huhn…where have I seen those initials before?

Content created on: 2 & 4 July 2020 (Thurs/Sat)

Share the joy of the journey with others! Please follow and like us:
error
fb-share-icon
Tweet
fb-share-icon

Footnotes & References:[+]