Why give ’em a call when you can knock on their door?
C’mon on down, and little ol’ Gladys will gladly help you find the perfect floor…
“Welp, looks like you’ll need to call for the pricing on this flooring.”
Gladys, the little older lady at the ‘Carpets-And-More’ store peered over the counter at me with her I’m-here-to-help smile.
“Call who? I thought that meant call you!”
Color me confused–you see, I was in the thick of remodeling a new property we had just bought, and my Google research into the finest of vinyl flooring had originally led me to Kimi’s Carpets’ website. But when I went to attempted to see how much the brand I wanted cost, all it said was ‘Call for Price’.
So what did I do? Did I call them? No! I said, “Even better than calling, I’ll drive 50 minutes to the dang store and talk to a professional in person!”
I was starting to regret that decision, in part because I had to loaf about for 20 minutes or so before Gladys could ‘assist’ me, and in part because I’m not sure if what she was providing qualified as ‘assistance’.
Nevertheless, she soldiered on in her attempt to provide the best customer service possible.
“I suppose you’ll have to call the manufacturer when you get the chance. But, while you’re here, I can gladly order some samples for you!”
“Sure! That would be great. How much is each sample?”
“Three dollars each.”
“Oh, ok, not too bad–that’s pennies compared to our bigger remodel budget. Heck, you’re basically giving them away at that price! And good thing, too–I have about 10 I’m interested in…”
“Well, I can make it even cheaper. They give you the first 3 samples for free, so what I’ll do is have them ship 3 to you, 3 to your wife, and 3 to anyone else in your household. So you’ll pay next to nothing!”
“Wow, Gladys, you really are the best–thanks! My first sample I’m interested in is…”
*40 minutes, the names of 10 different colors, and approximately 300 clicks of the mouse and/or keyboard later…*
“Ok, Sonny-Boy, it looks like your total is gonna be about $35…”
“Seems kinda high for all the free samples I was supposedly supposed to be getting, but oh well…” I half-mumbled in my head.
“What’s your phone number? I think kids these days can pay just by using those 10 digits–isn’t that simply amazing?” Clearly, Gladys was a little star-struck when it came to any modern technology.
I gave her my number, and moments later, a text from a well-known 3rd-party payment processor buzzed my phone. I quickly rambled off the confirmation code to Gladys, before randomly commenting as I am wont to do.
“Ah! Stripe–yes, I used to use this to pre-pay the ice cream man back in the middle of the pandemic. Real easy to use!”
“Um…”
“We all good here?”
“Er…”
“So…is my order in or not?”
“Well, that payment’s not going through. Do you want to try a different card?”
“Um, that card should be good–I mean, 43 empty ice cream cartons can attest to that fact–but, sure, I’ll try a different card. Lemme know whenever you’re ready.”
*16 digits (repeated thrice), 1 expiration date, and a 3-digit CVV later…”
“Okay, I think I got it,” Gladys prematurely celebrated, “just let me hit submit…”
“Awesome…”
“Shucks, it’s still not going through. Can I have your credit card info again.”
“Sure, the number is [redacted for privacy], the expiration is [redacted for privacy], and the CVV is [redacted for privacy].”
“Okay, let me repeat those back to you…the card number is [redacted].”
“Yup.”
“Expiration, 06/1926…”
“Sounds good–wait, huh?”
“And CVV is [redacted].”
“Uh, well the CVV was accurate, but what do you have for the expiration date? I’m sure you put in the right date, but did I hear you say…?”
“Oh my, you’re right! I don’t think your card expired in 1926…*chuckle chuckle*–let me change that to 2026…”
“So you did say ‘1926’…I thought I was going crazy for a second there. Ah, livin’ in the past, are we, Gladys?”
“Uh, oh my. It still won’t go through,” she said for what was probably the 5th or 6th time by now.
“Hmmm…don’t know what to tell you. You’re the one looking at the computer screen,” I said without the least hint of sarcasm.
“Oh! I see what the problem must be. I oopsied, and tried to order 7 samples of the Yukon River for you.”
“Man, they must really want me to buy that one, eh?” At least I was trying to find the humor in what was turning out to be a real time-suck of my afternoon.
“Just let me fix that…and there! Now let’s try it…”
*milliseconds later…*
“NOPE, still not going through. Nuts.”
*5 minutes of Gladys pointing, clicking, and staring at her screen later…*
“Ohhh…it looks like a few of these are out of stock. Just let me take them out of your order….”
“Now we’re making some progress!” I prematurely declared.
“Ah-hah! Success! The order is submitted. And let’s see…you’re total was $35.31…”
*30 seconds of mental math later…*
“Say, Glads, doesn’t that sound a little high to you for 7 samples at $3 each–6 of which were free?”
“Oh, my, you’re right! Let me see what’s going on here…”
*5 MORE minutes of Gladys pointing, clicking, and staring at her screen later…*
“Ah, the rascally system changed that back to 7 of Yukon River. So sorry about that! Let me call them and get a refund for you.”
“Uh, no need, no need!” I was on a schedule and couldn’t afford to go down yet another rabbit hole with ol’ Gladys.
“I insist, it’s the least I can do.”
“No need to spend more of your time on this. See here, I got the confirmation email pulled up right here on my phone, and I can just reply directly to their customer service.”
“But I feel so bad! Let me take care of it for you, puh-lease?!?”
As politely as I could, I just had to draw the line somewhere.
“No, no, you’re about to close, and it’ll take me just a few sec–ah! There! See, I already emailed them back and we should essentially consider the matter resolved…”
“Hey, hey, hey! What’s happening here? Is Gladys taking care of you, Son?”
A guy in his 50s appeared out of the backroom and was kind enough to check in on us. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.
“Uh, yeah, she’s been an excellent sales rep–helped me get some samples ordered even!”
“Sales rep? Oh, no, Gladys here is just the part-time receptionist,” the guy enlightened us.
“You don’t say! I would have never known the difference!” I continued with my web of lies.
Gladys piped up, “Well, he was actually looking for some prices, but the system said he would have to call to get them.”
“What are you talking about? Were you looking at our website again? I told you, you need to open up the Excel sheet with all our prices for that.”
*5 excruciatingly detailed steps repeated 2 and half times later…”
“Great news! I got the prices for all 10 of those colors you were interested in!” Gladys seemed delighted to be finally helpful, and didn’t pick up on the fact that I was dead-exhausted by now.
“Ok, I guess I can spare another, what? Ten-fifteen minutes? At least it will save me the inconvenience of a phone call…”
The point of the story is never let a boomer get between you and a computer. You did pick up on that, right? She was on her store’s website instead of being in their internal system. So, save for that last part about the Excel spreadsheet, I could have just as easily ordered those samples myself, from the comfort of my own home. And I could have done it in 12 minutes, instead of an hour and 12 minutes!
So next time you or I or anybody you know that values their time finds themselves in a situation like this, don’t be afraid to jump in with this handy phrase:
“Okay, Boomer, please step away from the computer…”
It’ ‘s a phrase that might even save your life.
*A few seconds of reflecting on my over-usage of hyperbole later…*
Well, maybe not your life, but at least an hour of your time and a good chunk of your sanity…
Content created on: 3/4 March 2023 (Fri/Sat)
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