Editor’s note: This is the B-List of Mediocre Life Tips. If you’re looking for the A-List, you can find it here.
Hello Dear Readers! I hope you found my first list of tips to be life-enhancing–or mildly thought-provoking at the very least.
These “tips” I share often tend to be arbitrary and capricious, and are merely methods and madness that I have found to work well [enough] for me. Heck, I can’t even claim credit for the vast majority of them. To be clear: this is not professional advice from a trained expert (though I doubt any of you were clinging onto my every last word like it was the Gospel of John to begin with…).
The reason I bring up the casual nature of my Life Tips is because I know how annoying it can be when someone makes a suggestion for you to act upon, but somehow they have a disproportionately burdensome expectation for you to follow through on their opinion. I mean, when was the last time you had a friend highly recommend you read their blog and just know that they’re judging you when it becomes obvious you haven’t followed through?1If you’re reading this, then it’s already too late.
So, to be clear, I have no expectations that anyone will actually follow these tips. Take them or leave them at your leisure.
However, I am very interested in hearing about all the random life tips y’all out there might have, so I highly encourage you to share them in the comments. I can’t make any promises that I will heed your words, but you never know who else is reading that may find your tip to be the perfect human-experience enhancing tidbit missing from their life.
So, without further rambling, here’s another Chernobyl Handful2TM? of ways that the icing on the cake of my life has been made just a wee bit sweeter.
6. I can’t promise that every Life Tip list will include a butter-centric entry, but the streak isn’t gonna end with this one! I love me some grilled cheese sandwiches, and enjoy finding different ways to turn them into slightly fancier culinary experiences. In addition to the bonus tip of using copious amounts of butter, I recommend adding a little sweetness to all that savory by adding some butter-grilled pear or apple slices.
Before you begin grilling the bread, throw them in the pan with a quarter stick of butter, turning once to ensure each side gets nice and caramelized. Bonus bonus tip: be sure to perform some “quality control” to make sure they’re delicious AF before adding them to your sandwich.
5. Fun fact: I actually worked in customer service for a cell phone company for a year and half between undergrad and grad school. Early on in that career, I attended a mandatory “How to talk to customers” class with all the other noobs. My take-away from that class was that with a few slight communication tweaks, many of my human interactions could be made significantly smoother.
The one that really stuck with me was the phrase “If you would, could you…?” used when asking something of someone. The beauty of this is that it reframes the situation from you demanding something of them to them having the opportunity to do you a favor.
Would you like that used in a sentence? Sure!
“If you would, could you subscribe to the Point of the Story’s newsletter, and share your favorite article(s) with everyone you know?”
No? Too thirsty?
4. If you’re like me, the shower is perhaps the most fertile ground for interesting thoughts. The downside to that is that you may find yourself losing more time than an alien abductee.
If you’re trying to conserve water or just need to stay on schedule, try picking out 1 or 2 Shower Jamz to listen to while you wash up. Their running time should roughly add up to your ideal shower time, which should clock in around 2-3 minutes (I personally have a lot of shower thoughts, so I need 5-6 minutes).
Interestingly, this concept actually helped solve a water shortage crisis in Cape Town, South Africa. Popular musicians there recorded 2-minute versions of their hit songs to help make it easier for the residents to not dilly-dally so much in the shower. I recommend reading about it here,3https://qz.com/quartzy/1212813/cape-town-water-crisis-and-how-to-conserve-water-this-playlist-of-two-minute-songs-will-keep-your-showers-short/ which also includes ten 2-minute songs to help you get started!
As always, a word of caution is warranted here. If you use YouTube to supply your hand-selected Jamz, your cheap ass may want to consider upgrading to the Ad-Free version.
Let’s just say that there is no greater motivation to get the ----- out of the shower than the prospect of being held captive for 6 minutes by a St. Jude’s commercial featuring real kids with adolescent leukemia.
*Whomp whomp whommmmmmmp*
3. If you want to rock out in the shower but don’t want to shell out the cash for a BlueTooth speaker, at least take advantage of the laws of physics readily available in the bathroom.
The projection of the audio from your phone speakers can be easily enhanced by setting it in the [dry] sink with the speaker facing the drain as best as possible. This is approximately the same geometry as a satellite dish receiver or many modern large-scale telescopes.
You may be thinking that I’m over-hyping the situation, though I suspect that is probably because you’re thinking of the word hyperbolic when the one you’re actually looking for is parabolic.
Boom! I award myself two points for nailing both a geometric and a linguistic reference in the same breath.
2. Do you love to eat oranges, but hate making a juicy mess every time you peel one?
I, too, was once like you…when I was 3, to be exact.
I have a distinct memory of getting fed up with getting covered in fresh OJ every time I wanted a citrusy snack without adult supervision. With the utmost determination, I set out to divine the perfect algorithm for peeling oranges. After about a week of practice and 12-18 oranges later, I had mastered the Art of the Orange.
And, yes, I was ----- proud of myself then, and ----- proud of myself now…apparently.
Now, most of my techniques would fall under the categories of either common sense or basic fine motor skills, so I won’t bore you with the details.
However, there was one innovation–at least by toddler standards–worth noting: get a clean start to the peeling process by biting skin-depth into the pedicel region (the “polar cap” containing the stem).
You’ll want to go all the way through the flavedo and almost all the way through the albedo,4Yes, I just learned those two terms. Indubitably. just stopping short of breaking the inner membrane. With any luck, you should be able to twist the cap off and pull out most of the central column with it.
Tada! You’re 1/3 of the way done, and not a single drop of juice on your fingers!
Years later in grad school, when I was about to enjoy an orange in the lab, one of my professors strolls in and was like, “Ha ha–you know how to peel an orange right?”
Okay, first I gotta point out that this was a very poorly phrased question and made him sound borderline condescending.
Anyways, I responded the same way any other non-3-year-old should: “Uh…I think so. Why do you ask?”
Despite his choice of words, he actually had a pretty good hack for peeling oranges that I promptly added to my repertoire: before peeling, roll the orange around on a solid surface for 30-60 seconds. This will work wonders for separating the peel from the flesh, all without even breaking the skin!
As a bonus, this method will also provide you with a wonderful palm massage.
1. Speaking of massages…good lord, ear massages! This life-changing tip comes to us from my Korean Umma5I.e. mother[in-law] via my wife–just so you know who you should really be thanking.
I promise you, once you’ve been introduced to these, you’ll wonder how you lived so long without them.
Ear massages are a great stress reliever, on-demand any time you need it! While they are fantastic as a gift given, there is no shame in a little self-lovin’ when given to one’s self.
Start out by grasping the lobule and slowly and firmly tugging downwards (Fig. 1A). Use enough force to almost be painful; the edge of discomfort is where the tension really gets released. Hold for 10-15 seconds, gently massaging the lobule between your thumb and index finger. Release. Repeat if desired.
Likewise, tug the upper helix upwards (Fig. 1B) and the outer helix towards the back of your head (Fig. 1C), again holding for 10-15 second while gently massaging between your fingers.
Next you will want to release the tension in the opposite direction. This can be achieved by “folding” up the lobule such that it meets the tragus (aka the flap that could cover the ear canal–Fig. 2A), and then pressing the now-exposed underside of the lobule to apply firm pressure to the tragus underneath (Fig. 2B). Hold for 10-15 seconds before releasing. Repeat as desired.
As with the tugging technique, you will want to perform the analogous exercises for the upper helix (Figs. 3A, 3B) and the outer helix (not shown).
The last part is my favorite part: the tragus. Pushing firmly at roughly a 45-degree angle into and toward the back of your head, pulsate the tragus at a rate of about once per second (Fig. 4A) for 10-15 seconds. End with constant pressure on the tragus (Fig. 4B) for a final 10 seconds.
These massages can be performed on one ear at a time, or simultaneously on both ears at the same time. The latter is particularly nice during the tragus-specific massages.
Ear massages are meant to be indulgent, so please, enjoy with reckless abandon.
Again, please share any random-ass Life Tips you may have in the comments below.
Er, I meant, “If you would, could you kindly share us your favorite Life Tips in the comments below?”
And, as always, check out the Life Tips page for all the wisdom accumulated herein. Shalom!
Footnotes & References:
I was going to say pretty ear models you have there – until I saw one with what looked like gray hair. But the other models have cute ears. Xo