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Category: Thursday Thoughts

Dying Rancher Only Wants To Be Put Out To Pasture

5 Min Read

We’re all going to die.

Some way, somehow, there’s a pretty good chance it’s going to happen to you someday. So we all might as well buck up and try to gain a healthy perspective on it.

Oh, maybe I’m being a bit presumptuous when I just assume you don’t have a tenable relationship with your inevitable demise.

After all, many cultures and religions world wide understand that it’s all part of the Circle of Life (thanks, Disney’s The Lion King!). Nevertheless, in modern Western society, death is all too often bandied about as a weapon of fear. And that’s part of the reason why I am here today.


There are two deaths in particular that stick in the gullet of my memory–one of a distant acquaintance, and the most personal one to me yet, that of my father, the beloved Bob J.

Out of respect for the life of the former, I won’t use his real name, I’ll just call him Superman instead.1Those of you who knew the man in question will get the reference, though it’s not meant to be humorous in the least. Superman was a respected member and leader of a community I was once part of, and was in his 60s with a life full of love and service under his belt.

A few years ago, he tragically went missing on his anniversary, only to be found a few days later in a nearby state park, dead, with his neck…tightened “under his belt.”

Plans for a community-wide memorial service celebrating his life were abruptly cancelled shortly after his body was discovered. It wasn’t long before it became clear why his family would make such an odd choice, given that he was literally loved by just about everyone that was even remotely acquainted with him (present company included).

Him going missing and subsequent passing was a pretty big deal in the local news media, so when his body was found, there was a certain sense of duty to publicly disclose the circumstances of his death. A sad choice, as those details were better left unsaid.

Let’s just say that those circumstances were less than flattering. Suffice it to say, he went behind his family’s back and got himself in a compromising position that went sideways. The result being him suffering an unspeakable death at the hands of another–but with his own belt, no less–and his body left to the wild animals.

I’m leaving out many details partly because they are simply sordid, and were incredibly devastating to his family and other loved ones upon learning. It was probably one of the worst ways to find out about the skeletons in a family member’s closet.

In the end, a worthy and noble life dedicated to loving others was lost in the long shadow cast by the indignity of the death which ended it.


When my dad passed, he not only lost his battle with cancer and pneumonia, but he simultaneously lost his lifelong battle with agriculture. He had spent the majority of his life as a farmer, trying to build something of a future for his family. However, having a bipolar disorder go undiagnosed until he was almost 60 largely undermined his efforts, and he literally “lost the farm” right around the time he should have been thinking about retirement instead.

Though he fought to make a living until the very end, it all eventually caught up to him. In particular, his living circumstances in the few weeks leading up to his final admission to the hospital were in no way a befitting reward for the life full of hard work which he had put in.

In a word, it was heartbreaking.

Shortly after his death, a sibling confidentially related a story to me that opened my eyes to just how humbling his last month on this earth was. The image is so heart-wrenching for me, in fact, that I keep it largely suppressed, and it is notable that I’m even partially acknowledging it here.

All I can really say is that he deserved so much better.

While ultimately he was fortunate enough to be surrounded by a wife and six of his seven kids when he finally ground his teeth one last time and gave up the ghost, the knowledge of how his last days were spent is what has haunted me.


Without going down a complete rabbit-hole, what you need to know is that after much thought I came to an interesting conclusion. When I think of all that a society could be–i.e. “What does my version of Utopia look like?”–I would argue that a fundamental right that would be guaranteed to each citizen is the right to die on their own terms.

What does this look like? Well it could look like a lot of different things.

Some may want to go out, surrounded by their adult kids fighting over a handsome inheritance.2I heard this somewhere, but can’t find who said it. I thought it was Adam Carolla, FWIW.

Others may want their last memory to be of holding the hand of the love of their lifetime.

I can imagine that many would like to leave this earth, knowing the ones they care about are in good hands, spiritually, financially or otherwise.

For my dad, his final request was to go see his cows one last time–he literally wanted to be “put out to pasture” (in the end the doctor denied this request, which, no pun intended–I thought was complete bullshit).

You get the idea, right? The sky is limitless on this one…as is the rabbit-hole is bottomless, so I’ll just leave it up to you what this might look like in your case.


I once heard that there are two particular events that largely dictate how you feel when you think back on a specific period of your life. I looked it up, and as it happens, I was thinking of what’s known as Peak-End Theory. Allow me to allow someone else summarize the essence of this idea for you:3https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-peak-end-theory/

It seems that our memories of positive and negative experiences are dependent upon two things: what we were feeling at the most extreme (peak) point and how the experience ended. 

Karen Doll, Psy.D., L.P., via positivepsychology.com

The point of the story is simply this: the death we die is almost as important as the life we have lived.

This is particularly important to remember as we’re in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis. You may hear arguments that COVID-related deaths are not that big of a deal, largely because many of the people who are dying are those who would have probably died from other causes within the next 5 years otherwise (or something to that effect). They have had their turn at a long and fruitful life, so the loss of a year or two in the twilight years should be taken in stride.

And there is some truth to this, as death is an inevitable and natural part of the human experience, especially when you get past a certain age. People dying is simply part of the business of being alive. If I’ve already said this, I’m gonna go ahead and say it again: “We’re all going to die [sometime].”4I should note that people who subscribe to such alternate theories as “The Rapture” and “An Inevitable and Impending Singularity” might disagree with the absolutist nature of this assertion.

But what these sick ----- are conveniently omitting is the fact that so, so many of these people die in complete isolation, deprived of the privilege of spending their final moments with the ones they love. Even the luckier ones are usually stuck with FaceTiming their loved ones there at the end.

Those are moments that neither the living nor the dead will get back.

So if you’re tempted to think that maybe the best course of action is to largely just let COVID run its course through cluster after cluster of our elderly population,5Not to mention the smaller yet still significant non-elderly population that succumbs to it. I mourn for you when it comes for your parent and you’re forced to watch them suffer the loneliest of ways to leave this planet.

Just imagine it was your father, suffering the greatest indignity imaginable for a dying rancher: having to sit through a Zoom meeting…with his cows.6Alternate Ending: “They gave us life; the least we can give them is a death worthy of the best of who they were.” I probably should have stuck with that one…

Oh, the Humanity!7Forgive me for awkwardly trying to lighten the mood here at the end.


Content created on: 18 June & 19 September 2020 (Thurs/Sat)

Footnotes & References:[+]

I Am White And Here To Be Incredibly Awkward

3 Min Read

“Excuse me, sir. Can I ask what your ethnicity is?”

I’m not gonna lie to y’all…I never saw that one coming.


I probably should just go ahead and say this upfront: I’m white, and I’m here to be awkward. Incredibly awkward, even, if all goes well.

The excellent news is that this happens to pair nicely with yet another Back-To-School vignette from my vast repertoire of life experiences. Everybody rejoice!


As long-time readers probably know by now, I’m a perennial front-runner in just about everybody’s Whitest Kid You Know contest. Or as, the beloved country music singer and philanthropist Dolly Parton would put it, I have a “lilly-white1Errata: so I just checked my source, and it turns out she said “little- white ass”. Color me disappointed:…https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/country/9434624/artists-applaud-dolly-parton-dixie-comment-black-lives-matter ass.”

I’m talking Village-of-the-Damned, kicked-on-a-plane white. For better or worse, it is what it is.2Dammit, Donald, why do you have to ruin every turn-of-phrase.

Not exactly a prime candidate for an identity crisis, is what I’m trying to say. Yet, Life has a way of surprising us.

My moment of cognitive dissonance came the day before I started classes my Freshman year at Kansas State University. It was Back-To-School season, and as on most college campuses, every ----- campus organization and credit card company had booths set up outside of the Student Union, in search of easy prey.

Now, I was there on official business, picking up a textbook or some other classroom supply, and wasn’t in the market for anything they were selling. So I was in my own little world as I rolled up on my bike and was locking it to the bike rack.

Out of nowhere, I hear this voice…

“Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.”

Slightly bewildered, I scanned my surroundings.

“Excuse me, sir, can I ask what your ethnicity is?”

I realized that the voice belonged to the middle-aged Black woman sitting at the Black Student Union3https://ksusankofa.wordpress.com/ table.

And she was talking to…my lilly-white ass?

My brain slightly short-circuited…like, I understood the words she was saying, I just didn’t understand them when strung together like that. I didn’t think that particular topic could ever ever come up for debate.

Nevertheless, she was clearly talking to me, so I answered as best as I could.

“Uh…Caucasian? I guess…”

Not gonna lie, though, she had me doubting myself at that point.

“Oh, I see. I just wanted to say that I really love your skin tone. I’ve never seen anything like that before. It’s beautiful.”

I don’t know if it was because it was unexpected, or if it was because of from whom it was coming, but HOLY SHIT, I can’t even put into words how ----- fantastic that compliment made me ego4You can thank my Inner Pirate for that Freudian slip of a typo, Mateys! feel. I swear to you, it made me tingle in parts of my brain that I never knew existed.

I thanked her for her kind words and went on my way, puzzling over what had just happened and trying to figure out what my optimal response could have been.

Then I looked down at my arms and that’s when it hit me.

Oh. Right.

Context matters. And the context here was that I had just spent the whole summer working on the farm with my dad. Much of which was with an “I’m young and I’m never gonna die so bring on the melanoma” attitude towards sun exposure.

In other words, I had a so-called “Farmer’s Tan”…on steroids. Yet, somehow, answering “Tropical Viking” instead of “Caucasian” still didn’t feel quite right.

Oh, yeah. The hair…

You know what happens when already blonde hair gets too much sunshine? At that point, “white” isn’t even an accurate description anymore. “Clear,” “transparent,” or “fiber optics” would be better terms, but still don’t quite nail it.

Basically, I was a walking, talking, breathing film negative of a normal white person.

I know it’s a bit late of a repsonse, but, Ma’am, the correct answer to your question should have been:

“I’m a proud ethnic Bizarro Oompa-Loompa.”5This is not a joke. If I ever find my Driver’s License from that summer, I’ll post here as proof.


Indeed, ’tis a point of pride for me that I can say something that most of y’all crackers out there can’t:

” ‘Genuinely confuse a woman of color about my ethnicity?’ Oh, I checked that off my bucket list a looooong time ago.”

*Sigh.*

Despite my rather uncommon neo-ethnic bona fides, I’m admittedly still not very good at discussing racial topics. But I say the only way to getting better at it is practice, practice, practice! And that starts with whole-heartedly owning it…

Or, as I essentially told my woman-of-color admirer, “I’m white, and I’m here to be incredibly awkward.”


Content created on: 27 August 2020 (Thursday)

Footnotes & References:[+]

Here Comes The Pog Master

2 Min Read

Aah, Pogs. Surely y’all remember those, right? You know, “the tiddly-winks of the ’90s”?

Pogs(TM)–also known by their generic name of “milk caps”1https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_caps_(game)–were at the peak of their popularity in the fall of 1994, precisely coinciding with my move from the desolate plains of the Midwest2Turns out, I don’t think Kansas and Missouri actually qualify as “the Midwest”. At least not the parts I lived in. to Southern California at the beginning of my 8th grade year.

This was also about the time that Jamaican dancehall artist Ini Kamoze’s hit single, Here Comes The Hot Stepper, dominated the radio station they played on my school bus. Not that that has anything to do with this post’s title or anything…

Anyways, having just spent my summer in B.F. Egypt, aka S.W. Kansas, I was completely oblivious to the latest rage amongst all the youths by the time I hit the schoolyard at the esteemed Ocean View Junior High. As you can imagine though, it didn’t take long before I wanted in on some of that sweet, sweet slammer action that all my friends were getting.

Alas, woe was me! For there was a fly in the ointment: I didn’t exactly have any free-flowing cash to spend on a starter set which, in theory, would consist of 30 or so pogs, a slammer, and a fancy green pog-carrying container.

But I eventually got there. It took me somewhere around a month or two to scrape together the $20 or so to finally be able to buy into the prevailing hoopla of those simpler times.

And boy, was I ever so pumped to finally be “in the game” so to speak. Let me tell you: that $20 was hands down the best investment I’ve ever made.

J.K. Kidding–pogs went out of style exactly 2 weeks after I bought mine.

I actually feel kinda bad for putting one of my friends in the awkward position of breaking the news to me.

I imaged he felt much like Kramer did in the hit ’90s NBC sitcom, Seinfeld, when he had to tell the titular character, Jerry, that pretending his girlfriend’s stomach had a booming, jovial voice was no longer en vogue:


The point of the story is that “being trendy” is not exactly my strong suit. I’m more of the anti-hipster type. You know, doing stuff after it’s cool. Leave it up to me to jump on the bandwagon right before the wheels fall off and it goes over the edge of a cliff…


Content created on: 9 July 2020 (Thursday)

Edited on: 11 July 2020 (Saturday)–added a better punchline.

Footnotes & References:[+]

I Was Told There Would Be Pitchforks

3 Min Read

Welp, it’s official. I became a card-carrying member of the Mob today. Well, maybe not the Mob–a Mob might be more accurate.

After much thoughtful consideration, last night we become the proud owners of our first Black Lives Matter sign. Then tonight, after having a measured and appropriate conversation with our daughters, we will install it in our yard with a solemn, yet hopeful family ceremony.

Aww, shit…bet you didn’t see that one coming!1Unless, of course, you read the previous post, Woke Whack-A-Mole, which was entirely about obtaining a sign…or 255. Oh, wait…I decided that will be my next post instead. Well, this will give you something to which to look forward.

On its face, you might be tempted to think that I’m breaking my own principle of broaching the topic of politics. Once you get over the shock of that idea, I ask that you hear me out.

Sorry fam, I love you very much. But I simply can no longer worry so much about possibly offending or alienating you that it holds me back from envisioning and building towards a better world to do, will, and bequeath to our collective kids.2Maybe it’s time for us to revisit A Parenting Parable in light of that last statement.

I hope that even if you don’t share my same views, that you are at least able to hear me with open ears and open hearts.

That being said, I would like to counter the narrative that bringing up Black Lives Matter and explicitly supporting it is “political.”

….which brings me back to my thesis statement, the declaration of my induction into the “mob.”

As you know, the last month has been marked by a historic amount of civic engagement on the part of not only the citizens of America, but of people worldwide.

Yet in response, certain unnamed political and media figures have consistently attempted to frame it as “the mob” or “mob mentality.”

I suppose you gotta respect the clever attempt at dismissing a large swath of our country by simply using such a negative term implying that it’s all mindless mayhem. Nice try, fellas.

I would like to respectfully propose to those Dear Readers that may be tempted to use that term to perhaps reconsider that choice of words. Not like in a gangsta, passive-aggressive kinda way. More like a Mr. Rogers, sincere af kinda way.

First, let me say that I find this disheartening, and somewhat angering. Many people are risking COVID, being met with undue and excessive force, and possibly being unjustifiably arrested. And what is most striking is the incredible proportion of these people that “don’t have a dog in the game,” so to speak.

If you’re risking all of this for your proverbial neighbor with little to personally gain, then I should be skeptical if someone tries to tell me3A little bonus for those of you who actually read the footnotes: I believe the proper phrase here is “if someone tries to jackass-splain to me…” that you’re not doing this without putting any thought into it.

Now I can’t speak for anybody else, but if any of them are anything like me, then maybe my take on the situation can provide some insight for those who might be genuinely wondering what the heck is going on.

I imagine that for many people, there has long been the desire to pursue equity and justice for their fellow Americans, but have been told either directly or via people they care about, that associating yourself with the BLM Movement in any way would essentially amount to an act of political terrorism.

But that false argument is fading fast. Cracks in our country’s self-image are forming, revealing one-too-many uncomfortable truths. It is become more exhausting to look away than not.

Even much more widespread than that is a thirst for some return to basic decency being a defining hallmark of this country. Regardless of your political views, it is incredibly difficult to make an argument that “decency” is any part of our current zeitgeist.4A German word that roughly translates as “the spirit of these times.”

No doubt that as people have watched the BLM Movement become quickly normalized, many thirsty folks have had the same thought that I did:

“How the heck was this ever a political issue?!?”

More people than you might suspect

Whether you suspected me before or not, the point of the story (for now) is: Congratulations! You can now brag to your friends that you personally know a member of The Oh-so-scary Mob.

Just think of me as your token Black Lives Matter friend…


But wait! There’s more!

I’m realizing that I have a lot more thoughts on the topic of next-level civic engagement that I wanted to share, but probably shouldn’t try to tackle them all at once.

I just wanted to at least get the conversation started for now. We’ll have to continue this discussion next week. I hope that you will join me then…


Content created on: 2 July 2020 (Thursday)

Footnotes & References:[+]

They Thought No One Was Watching

3 Min Read

You might be tempted to think that today’s topic would be about holding public servants and/or private corporations to account, but alas, it ain’t that woke.

It is however, about trust. As in, we implicitly tend to trust the world at large to have its proverbial shit together.

So when tiny bits of incongruency flash past our eyes, it can leave one questioning the fabric of reality itself. You might even be asking yourself “Is me nuts, but…?”

Here are three tales of that trust being broke…our, if you prefer a more sensational, clickbait-worthy description:

“The Stories The [Name of Institution You Want To Feel Justified In Distrusting]1Such as Media, Government, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, Police, Scientist, Industrial Meat-packing Industry, Koch Brothers, and/or Man (to name but a few). Don’t Want You To See!”

Now, where’s that ----- eye-rolling emoji when you really need it…


The Dyslexic Byo Scout

Did you know…that there is such a thing as legal insurance? Ja, it’s true. We had signed up for some through the Boss Lady’s job for the identity protection, and only later discovered that we could use their network of lawyers free of charge for quite an array of basic legal needs.

So far, we’ve probably saved around $1500 using it to make out our wills and covering a chunk of the closing costs on a recent real estate purchase, to name but a few examples.

I haven’t had to take legal action against any of the neighborhood canines [yet], but my spidey sense is all tingly and telling me that just might be right around the corner…

Anyways, they have a handy app for helping you find the services and lawyers to meet all your day-to-day legal needs. Not too long ago I opened it up and was mindlessly waiting for it to load up.

Now I had promised myself I wouldn’t waste time making a little video of the experience, but what’dya know, here we are…

Well, Hyatt Legal Plans, it seems you weren’t preapred for Eagle-Eye Cherry here to get all up in your business, now were you?

…to which they replied, “Oh no! We made a typo–THE HORROR! THE INJUSTICE! What are you gonna do? Sue us?”


2 + 2 = 5

Just today I was watching an instructional video about how to perform a certain relaxation technique by a certain Sifu who shall remain unnamed.

I thought I was imagining things or that maybe there was a glitch in The Matrix, but upon further review, it would seem that he indeed hates the Number 3 so much he won’t even say her name:


Now You’re Just Being Lazy

Recently I was indulging in my #1 vice, playing FreeCell (TM) on the toilet, when an in-game ad caught my eye:

Did they…did they just put the seat down for the “After” picture? I mean, I’m almost insulted by the utter lack of effort that went into this ad.

I even thought to myself “This is Object Permanence 101, here, folks. Who in the world would be fooled by such a transparent marketing scheme?!? Who’s the target demographic here? What a bunch of morons!”

Then a disembodied voice boomed out of nowhere: “Dude. You’re sitting on the toilet playing FreeCell. Just sayin’…”


Content created on: 25 June 2020 (Thursday)

Footnotes & References:[+]

The Mysterious Mister T.

2 Min Read

A few weeks ago I revealed to you the boy’s name that methinks to be the most dudest, sweetest boy’s name in the world. For the two of you who didn’t read all about it, I had lovingly named my sourdough starter Corin Thunderfist.

And let’s be honest, that name is so ----- mind-blowingly gnarly1I heard The Elder use this term a few days ago, and I don’t know who taught it to her, but all I can say is thank you. that it needed to be bestowed upon something. I would have been saving it for whenever we got around to getting a puppy, but A) the kids will probably have their own ----- opinions on the matter, and B) I long ago decided that my future canine was going to be named Doctor.

Anyways, I’ve had aspirations to use that name on a family member for nigh over a decade now, so I have had plenty of opportunities to play out in my head the many potential scenarios that such a moniker would avail to me. The strategy I eventually landed on was the “Cosmo’s Mom Method”–much like the beloved character Kramer from the hit NBC sitcom Seinfeld, I would keep the kid’s name in its fullest majestic glory a coy secret, simply referring to him as Corin T. [Last Name Redacted] in all public and private settings.

I imagined that year after year, people would constantly be asking what the “T.” stood for, and year after year, the suspense and allure would only grow.

Opinions would be formed. Theories would be formulated. Uninformed debates would rage like the fires of hell.

Until one day, the secret would be “leaked.”

The presses would be stopped. The Twitter would be ground to a halt. The Face would be melted off the Book.

Speculate no more, World! The Final Truth has been revealed…

Behold, The Thunderfist walks amongst ye mere mortals!


Whew! Okay, I really got lost in my own daydream fantasy there. The point is that it would have been pretty ----- awesome.

But in all of my haste to finally squander my precious CTF card on a bubbling blob of yeast, water, and flour, I managed to miss that I had actually played it at exactly the right time.

It wasn’t only until at least a full month later that it dawned on me the scale of wit that I had achieved.

Maybe it would help if you imagined what that little turd would be like if he makes it to the year 2033.

Or, more accurately, what stupid portmanteau of a nickname I might give him…

I get a little teary-eyed just thinking about that day when he transitions to that difficult phase in between Corin-Childhood and Corin-Adulthood.

But honestly, y’all, I gotta say that I’m not exactly looking forward to being stuck in the house with a Corin-T.een.

*rim-job*2The right word is actually rim-shot, a joke executed to perfection in a The Nice Guys.


Content created on: 18 June 2020 (Thursday)

Footnotes & References:[+]

Vault Are You Thinking About?

3 Min Read

First, for funsies (and titular context):


When I normally say to my fans, “Here’s something from the vault,” what I usually mean is:

Probabilistically speaking, here is one of my more mildly interesting blog posts that you probably haven’t read. What? Oh, no I’m not being lazy. I could have written entirely fresh content. I just choose not to.

a man with the will to exercise free will

But now, that might take on a slightly different meaning. You see, today, I finally got off my duff and cracked into the real vault…the vault of my life, that is!

So now instead of enlisting a slightly younger version of my self to create content for me during my lazier weeks, I have the option of taking advantage of the underage version of me.

Wait. Shit. That didn’t sound right. Doesn’t matter–you know what little ol’ straight-forward me meant.

You have no idea how many autobiographical stories I have in store for you, but it’s a pretty big number. There’s many I have written yet simply because I haven’t invested the time yet to dig through the archives for the supporting documents and/or pictures. And so many of these just wouldn’t be the same without the historical evidence.

Today, though…today was the day that I finally dug through my two foot lockers/steamer trunks and three old suitcases of life memorabilia, and I gotta say, the winner was you.

Ironically, I didn’t find the one very specific picture I was looking for (turns out, my brother is the keeper of that particular one), but I did pull out the material for a few nuggets while I was there.

So, to whet your appetite, here is just a preview of what gems you might expect to be coming down the ol’ pipeline.


How about a “children’s book” that I wrote as a sophomore in high school? Bare beavers? That sounds fun!


This may look like an unassuming note that you would find attached to any old floral delivery. But inside is a cautionary tale about when celebrating half-anniversaries go wrong…


Oh, and here’s a book I wrote in 1st Grade. For what it may lack in quality, Present Me will definitely make up for with commentary. The good news is that this post is all ready to go. Get excited, ‘cuz The Case of the Cat’s Craedle is coming your way in but a few short days!


Meet Robort Kirk. Is this dude even for real? Don’t worry, you’re gonna find out real soon what’s up with…whatever the hell is going on here.


…and, if enough shit keeps happening, maybe even Captain Plunger will make an appearance. Get excited!


Content created on: 11 June 2020 (Thursday) *and also various dates in 1988, 1994, 1997, 2000, & 2008.

A Parenting Parable

2 Min Read

“So…what will you tell your kids when they asked what happened?”


Once upon a time, a close friend of mine had come to me in search of a listening ear.

His marriage seemed to be at an inflection point, and his next moves would be of grave consequence. Almost certainly they would determine whether it all fell apart, or if his Holy Union would come out the other side even stronger and better than before.

I was relieved to hear that both he and his wife were showing some willingness to put in the effort to stick together. Not only that, they both agreed that they wanted to raise their three kids in a safe and loving home environment, one where “they would have the stability and emotional nourishment to flourish as youngsters, then teens, and then eventually young citizens that brought more love into the world than they took.”

Critically, he identified his relationship with his wife as what would ultimately determine whether or not they would be able to give that irreplaceable gift to their children.

With much reluctance, he confided to me that he feared merely staying together wouldn’t be enough, though. If they didn’t make some difficult changes, then most likely they would just continue down their current path which was headed toward some seriously toxic quagmire–and that might be even worse for the kids than splitting up.

But what was really at the heart of our conversation came down to a singular decision: should they seek professional help?

Actually, that wasn’t even really up for debate: they both had acknowledged that they probably wouldn’t be able to sort things out on their own, and that they would most likely need the assistance of an unbiased third party, such as a marriage counselor.

The problem was that they lived in a small community, and had rather limited options. And in every scenario, the fact that they were seeing a shrink together would make its way through the gossip grapevine in no time at all.

His wife was not the overly-proud type, and while she disliked the idea of everyone being up in their business, she was of the opinion that there was no shame in seeking to be a better person.

He, on the other hand, did not exactly share those feelings, expressing concern that everyone was going to know that they had a ----- up marriage.

…which brings us to the point in the story where we had started:

“So…what will you tell your kids when they asked what happened?”

I was hoping to help him work through his thoughts by doing what I do best: extrapolating situations out as far as possible.

“What exactly do you mean?” He seemed sincere enough in his question.

“When your kids are grown up–or maybe even sooner–one of them is bound to ask you why you and their mom split up. What are you going to tell them?”

I didn’t let him answer. I thought about giving him the chance to respond, but I decided to cut to the chase.

“Because it sounds like the only real answer you will have is, ‘Sorry, kids, your future wasn’t worth nearly as much what people might have thought about me.’ You better get your shit straight, amigo.”


Perhaps now’s the time you should start thinking about what you will tell your kids grandkids when they asked what the hell happened.


Edited on 10 June 2020 to make clear that this is a Parable and not really about marriage at all.


Content created on: 4 June 2020 (Thursday)

Just Another Concerned Mother

2 Min Read

You might not think that playing the classic family card game Uno would ever rank in the Top 10 “Little Moments” List of a grown-ass man, but I gotta tell ya, it’s been pretty wonderful.

A nice little benefit to working from home so much and having my mother live nearby is that several times a week I get to enjoy some multi-generational bonding in the form a few hands of Uno over lunch with her and The Eldest (our 7-year-old daughter).

Ah, yes, ’tis simple pleasures like these with the ones I love that really form the essence of this rich tapestry we call “life.”

The point of the story is that I hope that all y’all out there are able to find little moments like this in your own lives during these trying pandemic times. I know it can be tough, but there is still much joy in this world to cling to.


One evening my dear mother came back over to our house after the girls had been tucked into bed. This was actually unusual, because as of late she had been spending 11+ hours a day at our house, 4 days a week, taking care of the kiddos while the Boss Lady and I attempted to Work From Home in the same space while simultaneously remaining a married couple.

That evening, Mom and I were just enjoying some tea and chatting, and decided why not? Let’s play a few hands of Uno while we’re at it.

A couple rounds in, I found myself with 15 or so cards in my hand. While this was a severe handicap if I had any hope of winning by getting rid of all my cards before Mom got rid of her 2 or 3 cards, it made for some interesting opportunities for strategizing.

Apparently, my analytical mind was in overdrive, because I was so deep in thought, mulling over my path to the Most Amazing Uno Comeback EVER, that I didn’t even notice that she had played her last card and the round was over.

Noticing that I was a bit spaced out, she tried to get my attention.

So…are you just gonna sit there and play with yourself?

A concerned mother

Oh. My. God.

Did I hear my nigh-elderly mother just say that?!?

I think she pretty quickly realized what she had said, too, as we both spent the next 3 minutes trying to pick ourselves off the floor and catch our breathes from laughing so hard.

Eventually I was able to muster a response.

Man, that really takes me back to my teenage years…

Don’t worry, though, I’m a grown man now. I think I can “handle myself” just fine…

A Son CLinging perhaps a Little Too Tightly to his “Joy”?

After another hearty round of laughter, she sincerely asked me “Well, how else am I supposed to say that?!?”

Ultimately, we concluded that the key was using the word by instead of with:

Are you going to sit there and play by yourself?

how to talk to your kids about the importance of phrasing

Seriously, though, the point of the story is savor the little moments you have with the ones you love, especially those on the more mature1A euphenism for “old af“, of course. side.

Trust me, there are plenty of people out there how would have killed just to have one last unintentionally awkward conversation with their dearly departed…


Content created on: 28 May 2020 (Thursday)

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