“Tell me what I want, what I really, really want…”
“I don’t know, I don’t know, if you really, really want to know…”
“Cat toys? My bus to work? Another stolen glimpse of the comely young lass waiting at the bus stop? Shit, I have no idea what I’m doing here!”
And thus went the internal monologue in my head.
It was mid-morning, and I was rushing around in a frenzy, but I just couldn’t seem to remember why. Taking stock of my surroundings–my usual bus stop, a nearby Petco, the bougie food shop that popped up where our beloved TCBY used to be–I was doing my darnedest to formulate a theory as to what I was supposed to be up to.
What I was doing just made no sense. Now I was at Trader Joe’s? The heck? I needed to figure this out ASAP. Especially if I was supposed be catching that bus.
I paused a moment to continue my internal dialogue. I guess I decided to cut to the chase–no pun intended–as I wondered aloud: “What is it you’re really chasing after, man?”
Holy shit, was I surprised when, loud as day I heard another voice that sounded exactly like my own reply without skipping a beat: “Self-respect.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, stunned. I about screamed: “YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT! IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!!!”
By this time, I had realized nothing seemed to make sense because–wait for it–I was dreaming.
Just one tiny problem though: the answer that my dream-self gave me? It made waaaaaay too much sense.
The funny thing is, fully-conscious me would have never in a million years come up with anything close to that answer. I was literally blind-sided by my overly-honest sub-conscious. I had just revealed a deep secret to myself. Or maybe it was the Universe speaking to me, through me, in my dreams?
Either way, “self-respect” was, as I like to say, one ----- interesting theorem, explaining way too well so much about so many of my deepest desires and motivations throughout my life, even at a young age. That’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax, though, and maybe I’ll unpack it all sometime down the road.
Moments later, I woke up in a real foul mood. Later that day I had processed this newfound information enough to figure out why this whole ordeal made me so upset and, for lack of a better descriptor, icky.
The answer to that question, if answered at all–was supposed to be more like “financial security” or “the respect of my peers and/or wife.” You know, things that are somewhat beyond my control.
But self-respect? That means all the unhappiness and dissatisfaction brewing underneath the surface? That was my own ----- fault if I didn’t show myself some respect. Even worse was the thought that it was on me if I hadn’t earned on my own respect.
Uggh. No wonder I was angry. I was angry because it was true.
Anyways, I guess the point of the story is you really shouldn’t go around asking profound, meaning-of-life questions in your dreams. You may think that you’re Tom Cruise in the classic hit movie A Few Good Men, but deep down a part of you–the Jack Nicholson part of you–knows better:1Source: https://gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/you-cant-handle-the-truth-gif-14.gif
Dammit, it was the Napoleon Dynamite Incident all over again…
Content created on: 10 June 2021 (Thursday)
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