“Eat your f*cking gummy vitamin, Kiddo!” I yelled.
Ok, so maybe the part about dropping the F-bomb on a child was a bit of an exaggeration…
A few nights ago The Elder had a sleepover at the grandparents’ house, so I only had to get our 2 y.o. daughter, “The Younger” through her pre-bedtime routine.
I always give the girls a gummy vitamin once they get in the bathtub, before I wash them up and then brush their teeth, and this night was no different.
It was still pretty early, so I was letting her play in the tub for a bit while I casually walked around the house messing around on my bass guitar.
I kept checking in on her, but instead of eating her gummy right away like she usually does, she was playing with it in the tub. So I started telling her sternly “Eat your vitamin, Kid.”
I did this about 4-5 times, each time growing more impatient. After about the 5th time, she had a retort ready and waiting for me.
“Eat your guitar, Daddy!” she shot back.
Thinking nothing of it, I ignored the little smartass and went back to laying down those funky basslines (think: Wild Cherry‘s Top-40 hit, “Play That Funky Music, White Boy”).
Two minutes later, same thing:
“Eat your vitamin, Kid!”
“Eat your guitar, Daddy!”
I was growing tired of going around in circles with her, so I decided to choose my battles.
“Okay, I will!”
So I put my guitar strap over only one shoulder so I could tilt it towards me and pretend to eat one of the big fat, flat metal tuning pegs.
…except as I brought it towards my mouth, the strap closest to the guitar’s neck popped loose, and I ended up slamming the metal peg right into to my front teeth.
Mother. Fuck.
I was pretty certain I had knocked one of them loose, as my head was still ringing from the violent collision.
I tentatively felt around…all teeth in place? Check. And straight? As much as they will ever be without adult braces. Blood? Minimal.
Whew! My dental records appeared to remain unchanged, but I had cut my upper lip on the inside where it had been smashed into my front tooth.
Thank ----- for my luscious-ass lips that normally get me mocked, amiright?
Anyways…what a stupid ----- way to end up at the dentist that would have been.
Content created on: 15 September & 1 October 2020 (Tues/Thurs)
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