4 Min Read

Sometimes, there is no greater pleasure in life than coming across a piece of creative work made by a much younger version of yourself.

Except for publicly mocking it. That is definitely a greater pleasure.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you The Case of the Cat’s Craedle: Extended Deluxe Edition with Commentary. Please, enjoy.


“The Case of the Cat’s Craedle (sic).”1No relation to the music venue in Carrboro, NC.

“…and the Mystery of the Giant Glowing C—.” No, wait, that’s supposed to be a flashlight beam. Well, this is already going just swimmingly, now isn’t it?


Copyright 1988.

You don’t know how relieved I am that I put the exact date this content was created. It would have slowly eaten my mind up from the inside out not knowing.


“Once, three 1st graders went outside for some cases.”

Because, where else are you going to find “cases”? Also: nice gun.


“Then one of the kids shouted something.”

You gonna tell us what that something was, or…? No? Okay, that’s cool. Just leave us all hanging.


“All of the kids looked.”

…and saw the baddest mother-effing cat-punk in the world.


“And I got out my gun.”

“There’s only enough room for one mohawk at this party!” I indubitably yelled as I popped a cap in his ass.


“We gotchya. Bang-Boom-Pop.”

“Bang-Boom-Pop”?!? Hah. That would be a pretty stupid thing to say if it were to come out of the mouth of anybody but a 7-year-old…2Also, I have no idea who “Robert Lewis” is, nor what “Shot of a case” means. So stop asking.


“Uh-oh. He’s alive.”

Dude, is this cat…Jesus?3No. We all know Jesus wouldn’t need no weak-ass parachute to rise again.


You'll be dead any minute!
“You’ll be dead any minute!”

[Insert righteous Hooked On Phonics (TM) slam here.]


But he is going to melt!
“But he is going to melt!”

But is he really? That looks more like a wood-chipper to me.


But one thing that is left is the spirit.
“But one thing that is left is the spirit.”

Well. That really took a turn…


But the spirit got caught.
“But the spirit got caught.”

Care to explain how that happened? This picture of a phallic object tells me nothing…


And it went through the cage.
“And it went through the cage.”

Okay, well at least we know how our trio of geniuses thought they could contain a spirit. Great job, boys!


Bang, Boom, Pop. It blow-up.
“Bang, Boom, Pop. It blow-up.”

Nevermind ill-advisedly using that onomatopoeia again–somebody needs to tell this kid that adding that hyphen really changes the meaning of “blow up.”


A monster!
“A monster!”

A monster?!? Where the ----- did this ass-clown come from?


Bang. I gotchya.
“Bang. I gotchya.”

A dickhead. I literally drew a dick-head. I’m sorry folks. I gotta apologize on behalf of my younger self for this obscene art.


Uh-oh. He is dead.
“Uh-oh. He is dead”

I’m pretty sure this character with the fan-crotch and playing bullet golf was supposed to be me. So…the end?


The End.


Well, that plot went nowhere. I suppose that’s pretty on-brand for me, though…

…meanwhile, The Elder, who is several months younger than me when I wrote this burn-barrel fodder YA fiction, drew this just today:

“Family Going Out To Dinner” (2020) Pen and Color Marker on Printer Paper. Artist: The Artist Currently Known As The Elder.

The point of the story is: keep breeding folks! Eventually we’re bound to produce a generation better than our own. Gotta just keep trying!


Content created on: 15 February 1988 & 11 June 2020 (Monday/Thursday)

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