They tried to tell you, ‘don’t fall asleep’, and it seemed ominous at the time.
You didn’t listen, but things somehow still turned out fine…
“You’re missing a negative sign,” I heard myself say.
I could also hear several of my fellow classmates in our 8 a.m. Thermodynamics lecture let out some gasps.
And then I heard a clanky thud as something hit the floor.
That would have been our esteemed professor and condensed matter researcher, Dr. Wu, dropping the chalk in his hand after he turned to see which one of us physics graduate students was checking his math on the chalkboard in real time.
“Ha-ha,” he said, deploying his trademark expression, “Look at this guy! That’s a pretty amazing trick!”
A mild hub-bub erupted in the classroom, enough of a ruckus that was just too much for me at that point.
I jerked my head up, rubbed my eyes, and let out a big stretch before noticing that everyone was staring at me.
“Oh, hey guys…what’s going on?” I said, slightly perplexed by all the attention.
“Dude,” said my study buddy Roseanne, “you’re correctly answering questions in your sleep. Again. I told you, man, you’re the Chosen One of Physics!”
I blushed at her flattering comment. “Aw, shucks, guys. ‘Twas nothing really…”
As it turned out, I actually pay much better attention in class when I’m asleep. Well, at least good enough to visualize what is being written on the chalkboard and pick up any mathematical errors–all while my eyes are closed the whole time!
Okay, so not to #HumbleBrag, but turns out I’m not really the “smart one” running the show, it’s Subconscious Me that is the real genius. Even I was shocked by what I was capable of while snoozing! But what was really amazing was that this ended up happening on multiple occasions (well, at least 2 or 3) that semester.
Now, you may be asking yourself what all this has to do with the price of rice in China, and to that I would say, “hey, just because Dr. Wu is Chinese doesn’t mean you can go around making such ricist comments!” After which I would pause, and say, “Get it? Ricist–like ‘racist’, but since it’s directed at countries where rice is a staple…why aren’t you chuckling out loud? It’s very witty. Well, it’s a humorous statement at the very least…”
Pardon the digression, Dear Reader. Here is the scientific hypothesis that I’m positing: scholars (or at least this particular scholar) maintain that my professional/academic accolades hinge almost entirely upon the confluence of two things: 1) my mid-grade narcolepsy, and 2) fortuitously having a way-to-early class during the one semester where all of us grad students had to find a lab willing to pay us to do research for the next 4-5 years…
“I’m not a real doctor, but I play one in real life…”
Of course, that’s not exactly how the classic phrase goes–it’s “…but I play one on TV…”–I just tweaked it for my own witty purposes.
Actually, though, I am a real doctor–just not that kind of doctor–but most of the time I don’t know if I really believe those 2 letters should be in front of my name.
And here is where we finally get to find out what all this seemingly unrelated nonsense loosely has to do with the proverbial price of rice in China: I’m sure at some point in his life, Dr. Wu subconsciously thought about how much it cost his family to put rice on the dinner table. Furthermore, you know what else he has presumably subconsciously thought about? What qualities to look for in a student when looking to expand his lab.
Apparently, my little sleep-talking sessions in his class left a lasting impression on him, so much so that when I came around to his office asking if he was able to take on any desperate1Fun fact: I didn’t get into the research lab that I had really gone to UNC to join in the first place. And I’m pretty that’s because, ironically, I fell asleep in both of the their group meetings that I sat in on. first-year grad students such as myself, he didn’t hesitate to laud my praises and take me on without any further questions. Which I find hilarious, since at that point I had no clue what I wanted to do (besides get my Ph.D., lol), but I guess my ambition–or lack thereof–was of no import to him.
Most critically, though, this positive impression I made on him was so long-lasting, in fact, that I ended up riding it all the way to graduation day.
As it turns out, you need to be awake when doing research, and on account of the fact that I couldn’t let Sleeping Genius Me take over at this stage of grad school…well, let’s put it this way: if you said, “Give it to me straight, Doc,” I would respond with “I’m not going to mince words: The Author of this post is a mediocre researcher…at best.“
Yeah, I wasn’t that great at it, but Dr. Wu never seemed to have gotten the memo, and he was my biggest cheerleader (after My Beautiful Bride, of course) all the way through the defense of my final dissertation.
And by “my biggest cheerleader” I mean “he actually argued with the other, more hostile, members of my committee and somehow ultimately convinced them to grant me my Ph.D., despite my very sub-par performance during the Q&A part of the defense which quite clearly indicated I was not worthy.”
Of course I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth or anything; I still very much love the fact that I get to rightfully put “Dr.” in front of my name, and “Ph.D.” after it. All I’m saying is that it’s understandable why more often than not I feel like an imposter–nay, a fraudster, even!–asking myself “how the hell did I trick the academic system into letting me into their exclusive and prestigious ‘country club’??”
Well, kids, I guess the points of the story are: 1) never underestimate how powerful the first impression–good or bad–that you make on someone can be; 2) never underestimate how far in life falling asleep in class can take you.
So, if you need a role model when any stuffy teacher or professor ever tries to tell you that you’ll amount to nothing because you’re sawing logs in their classroom, well, kiddo, you know where to find me. (Hint: asleep in front of a computer trying to read a scientific article. That’s where you’re most likely to find me…)
Content created on: 26 November 2024 (Tuesday)
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