One fine Saturday morning many moons ago, I found myself taking a shower with the bathroom door open. Now, the door opens in towards the shower, so even with it open, it would be difficult for anybody in the hallway to actually see you showering.
Anyways, afterwards, as I turned off the water and began to dry myself off, a distant sound caught my attention. Off yonder I could a hear a medium-level buzz as a neighbor mowed their lawn.
Feeling footloose and fancy free (after all, ’twas a fine Saturday morning), I decided to seize the opportunity to test out my pitch-matching skills. Without much thought, I lowered my jaw and let out an impressive “Ehhhhhhnnnnnnn!” Basically what any normal human being would have done in that situation.
I had resumed drying myself off, when I heard vigorous, yet stifled, guffawing coming from behind the crack in the door. I look up to see an eyeball in the crack, undulating in time with the suppressed laughter.
Unable to contain herself any longer, Natosha busts into the bathroom, barely able to spit out “What THE HELL was that?!?” in between irrepressible snorts.
“What? I heard a lawn mower so I was just mimicking it. Duh.” I stated matter-of-factly.
After she finally got done howling in mockery, she was eventually able to calm down enough to tell her side of the story. Which was basically as follows.
“I was lovingly watching you through the crack in the door, when all of a sudden you stopped what you were doing, got a really glazed look in your eyes, and then out of nowhere: ‘Ehhhhhhhhhhnnnnnn!’ You looked either possessed or…special. And we all know you’re a little bit of the latter…”
Believe it or not, we’re still married to this day.
The point of the story is, CONTEXT MATTERS. If you don’t know the full story, maybe don’t be so quick to be a judgy asshole, yeah?
More recently, I was doing fall yard work and needed to blow some leaves out of our driveway. We have an electric leaf blower, so it is a huge pain in the ass to get it out, unravel the cord, get everything plugged in, blow leaves for 90 seconds, then proceed to undo all of the hard work I put into setting it up. Instead, its much more efficient to use the lawnmower to blow stuff around, since I had it out to mow the yard anyways.
Of course, a neighbor drove by and saw me mowing our driveway.
Again, the moral of the story is: sometimes genius looks like a ----- idiot. Don’t judge.
Content created on: 1 July 2019 (Monday)
I’m relieved to say this is not as bad as some I have read. The story I like best so far is mowing your driveway. Short & to the point with a minimum of unnecessary words.
Hello, Mother.
“Short & to the point”? That’s like completely off-brand for me, lol. As is “a minimum of unnecessary words.”
This was actually the second post I wrote specifically for this blog. True story: the finished product came out better than I had anticipated, and I was worried that people might get the wrong impression about what kind of writing to expect around here. Well crafted prose with a tight narrative, lean and efficient? Nah, that’s not my style…